What do cows like to eat for lunch?
Moo-shroom soup
Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day, but teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.
Do you like whales? Cause I was thinking that we could "humpback" at my place.
What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow?
Cowboom.
My favorite denim blue jeans just turned brown. I think I will have to call it Dung-arees!
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
My mother says: “Leave that peach cobbler alone on the table!” However, I cannot help myself and sneak in to watch it making beautiful peach shoes.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
Today, we had to create a new hang position for some lighting fixtures. After all day trying, we couldn't get the new batten hung properly.
Turns out it was just a pipe dream.
You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.
I got a asked to leave karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" seven times in a row. I had exceeded the allowed number of Loggins attempts.
What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit? A poultrygeist!
Why did Dany stay home from the party? She wasn’t invited.
Elephants will toil all day, and they work for peanuts.
A friend of mine is his team's best footballer on paper. Unfortunately, they play most of their games on grass.
My sister asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall”
I said maybe.
Are you sure you're not a tower? Because Eiffel for you.
Are you a pizza at a Chinese buffet? Because I want you, but can I trust you?
Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
Your skin is smoother than the finest panna cotta.
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
“What strange creatures brothers are!”—Jane Austen
You’re a perfect ten(t).
"My cat doesn't like you."
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
You’re as beautiful as a flower, but I think I rose to the challenge.
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin.
Are you a bookmark? Because I keep rereading the pages you are on!
Yule be sorry.
What do you get if you cross a tree and a baseball player? Babe Root.
What did the Gorilla say to his friend when he called him back on the phone?
You-Rang-a-Tang?
What does a mommy pig say to her piglets at the end of the day? Time to pig up your toys.
The Beavers have the ugliest house in the neighborhood.
It’s a dam shame.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Tex.
Tex who?
Tex two to tango.
How are splinters better than a man?
Splinters are a pain, but they go away eventually.
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
Why did the beaver stop cutting down trees?
The work gave him gnawsea
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
It's so cold that when cows are milked, ice cream comes out.
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
They say a Freudian slip is when you say one thing, but you really mean your mother.
If I could change the periodic table, I would put Uranium and Iodine next to each other.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
I wish I was a pronoun so I could be the direct object of your affection!
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
It’s so cold mum used a saw to serve us milk.
Seas the day!
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
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