I made some fish tacos last night....
But they just ignored them and swam away.
"Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best."
— Bob Talbert
Wanna go explore some celestial bodies together?
I have no idea how you can look so great pre-coffee.
Come, let’s measure the coefficient of friction between us.
After a good summer fling, it’s time to fall in love.
Let's hang out sometime. You bring your beaker and I'll bring my stirring rod.
What do you call a small, two winged insect resembling a mosquito that likes to keep the peace?
A diplognat!
How do knights communicate?
They use chain mail.
Hey girl, I've been warming up this bench for you my whole life.
Are you from Canada? Because if you're wondering if you can go out on a date with me, well, you CAN–UH-DUH!
Roses are red, Violets are blue, You make my heart skip, I think I have Mobitz type II!
The Beavers have the ugliest house in the neighborhood.
It’s a dam shame.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
I bet you’re Ethan better in person
What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
You know what they say about when life gives you melons?
You might be dyslexic.
My father cooked us mushrooms. Later he asked "Having fun guys"?
Hey pumpkin – I bet I can put a smile on your face.
Why are beavers so good in maths? They love log'arithms.
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
But it's only mild.
Q: How does a butcher keep his tent up in a strong winds?
A: With steaks!
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
What do you call it when a doctor puts a camera inside of a bottle of perfume?
A cologne-oscopy.
What did the deer say to her daughter?
“Soon you’ll be all doe-n up!”
What’s a golf clubs favorite type of music?
Swing.
Blue and green stopped fighting because they had agreed on peace teal.
I love you meow and forever.
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
What Kind of Books do Rabbits Read? Ones with Hoppy Endings.
If my love were music, you'd be the most beaituful lyrics in the songbook
There are only two hard things in computer science: cache invalidation, naming things, and off-by-one errors.
What do cats build to prepare for war? Cat-apults.
Can you tell me the oxidation state of this atom? If you can’t, then you can tell me your phone number instead?
People don't believe me when I tell them I'm the lead singer in a Black Eyed Peas tribute band....
Well I am.
What do you call two male avocados who hang out and drink together?
Avocabros.
I was thinking about hopping in the shower...
But I realized that I might slip and hurt myself.
What tree is bought the most at the plant store?
The poplar tree
What do you call a snowman party?
A snowball.
I'm an endurance athlete. Think you can stand the HIIT?
Roofs of mushrooms rarely mush too much.
What type of cats usually purr the best? Purr-sians!
Hey baby, mind if I send my probe into your wormhole?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Two knee.
Two knee who?
Two-knee fish!
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
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