What’s black and white and as hard as a rock?
A panda that’s fallen in cement.
Get me some cooling aloe gel, because you are making me as hot as a sunburn.
What is a vegan Viking called?
A Norvegan.
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
I like you a latte.
The first rule of Tautology club is the first rule of Tautology club.
Last night, like every night, I dreamt I was half horse, half man.
My shrink says I'm just being self centaured.
It's ice to meet you.
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
“Someone should enact a holiday that honors all people who turn up for work on Mondays.”
We're donion rings.
“The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.”
- Erma Bombeck.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
Werewolves love similes and metafurs.
What happens if an owl doesn't wash?
It smells fowl.
"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
The reason you will see all the cows lie down when it starts to rain is because they want to keep each
udder dry.
I saw two guys wearing matching clothing and I asked if they were gay.
Then they arrested me.
Who is king of all the mice?
Mouse Tse Tung!
Why did the pig want a divorce?
Her husband was a boar.
Where do koalas go to settle legal matters? A kangaroo court!
What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio? Cool Music
What is it called when a witch only casts spells that rhyme?
Poetry in Potion.
One mermaid said to the other, "I love your shell bracelet, can I Triton?"
Ice simply love it when it snows!
What do ghost cowboys wear?
Boooots.
As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
Buddy Hackett
I said to my boss the other day, "I need to leave early today, I'm going to be a father!"
"Of course", he replied. "Take the afternoon off."
When I returned to work the next day, my boss came to my desk.
"Well, how'd it go? Is it a boy or a girl?"
"I dunno", I said, "I'll tell you in nine months."
I'm using the wishbone to manifest a date with you.
Do you find bone puns humerus?
Hey, can I put you on my emergency contact list?
What do frogs do with paper?
Rip-it.
“When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.”
George Burns
“If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it." ~Author Unknown
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Amanda.
Amanda who?
Amanda lay you, your lonely nights are over.
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
You're so fine that I wouldn't care if you were dead or alive!
What happened to the cheery that showed up for the tomato auditions? He was called an imposter.
I think haikus suck.
Has to be five seven five.
Who came up with this?
Is there a fireman around? Because you are smoking hot.
Why do grizzlies never look sad?
Because whenever there’s a problem, they just grin and bear it.
Books are my kind of texts.
Why did my wife cross the road?
To go back to the same shoe shop we went to three hours ago.
A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”
Twin brothers just had a birthday
One turned twenty. The other turned twenty too.
Do you know how the pineapple feeds her children? She gives them milk from her pinenipples!
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
Why was there a troop of gorillas protesting outside the biscuit factory?
They wanted to stop the production of animal crackers.
My partner got mad when she found so much spam on my computer.
She said, "Food belongs on a plate!"
Go to BabaMail
