I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
Girl, you must be a possessive pronoun because I think you're mine.
What was the cheese’s strategy when it ran for president?
Make America grate again.
A dog in a pumpkin patch is called...
a pumpkin pooch.
What Twix do you have up your sleeve that makes me love you?
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
What did one wall say to the other wall?
"I’ll meet you at the corner!"
How do you know it’s getting kind of serious with a cheese lover?
They tell you they are pretty fondue you.
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
Whenever you and me get together, it's like superposition of 2 waves in phase.
Why was the bread actor so unhappy?
She lost out on a juicy roll.
What's a chess player's favourite starter?
Pawn cocktail.
How did Frankenstein know Jesus was coming for a visit?
He used his frankincense.
My Dad told me why Busch is the only brand of beer he ever drinks.
"It's the only beer that says it's name when you open it."
If you come with me, I'll show you a hard day's night.
You know you’re getting old when…
You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Pig…
Pig who?
Pig on someone your own size!
Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? Ireland. It’s Dublin every day.
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
What do you call dumb jokes at the beach?
Comic sands.
What is the wise gardener's mantra?
Weed 'Em and Reap!
What is the popular Christmas carol in Desert? Camel ye Faithful.
Jill broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
There was an Old Person of Cadiz,
Who was always polite to all ladies;
But in handing his daughter,
He fell into the water,
Which drowned that Old Person of Cadiz.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
"An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare."
What did the baby deer say to his friend?
“I’m so fawn-d of you!”
Why is everyone so tired on April 1st?
Because they just finished a long 31-day long March!
What did one deoxygenated blood cell say to the other?
We're all in vain.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
Why are werewolves better than vampires?
Werewolves don’t have a problem with steaks.
I used to love puns about throwing things, but now I don’t.
It was just a fling.
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
What do you call an alligator that sneaks up and bites you from behind?
A tail-gator.
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
What do you call an oriental cheese? Parm-asian
Did you hear about the man who quit his job at a bakery? They said that it left him loathe of bread.
Call me on the shellphone.
What did the LEFT Stereo Speaker say to the RIGHT, as he was being taken away for repairs
AUDIOS!
Let’s kick off shall we? I just hope that my unicorn puns won’t be too corny for you.
If an adult is called a unicorn, are its young one’s called puny-corns?
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
Why are Ghosts so lonely? They have nobody to lean on.
What do you get when you cross a vampire bat and a computer?
Love at first byte.
What does Chuck Norris say when fishing?
"you, you and you, get out."
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
Ron White
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
Why Was The Teacher Annoyed With The Duck?
Because he wouldn't quit quackin' jokes!
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
Go to BabaMail
