Is your iPad making you fall asleep?
I can help—there’s a nap for that.
What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
You are pitcher perfect.
Did you hear about the famous Spanish streaker?
Senor Willy.
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
What did the cowboy say when he bought a yo yo.
This ain't my first yo yo!
There once was a person named Ned,
Who had nary a hair on his head.
He pated his pate
and bemoaned his fate,
And went to hide under his bed.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
"My mom used to say it doesn’t matter how many kids you have… because one kid will take up 100% of your time so more kids can’t possibly take up more than 100% of your time." - Karen Brown
Me: "Hello? 911? Emergency! The neighbors house is on fire!"
Dispatcher: "Did you discover the fire?"
Me: "No! Prometheus! but what does he have to do with this?"
You must be a keyboard. Because you're just my type.
You had me at cello.
How do ghosts take their eggs? Terri-fried.
I hear your thirsty? Well I've got a six pack right here!
Someone said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
So I through a dictionary at them.
Daddy, how was I born?
Ah, very well, one day you need to find out anyway!
Mom and Dad got together in a chat room.
Dad set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber cafe.
We snuck into a secluded room, and then your mother downloaded from your dad's memory stick.
As soon as dad was ready for an upload, it was discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall.
Since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later the blessed virus appeared.
And that's the story.
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
During the contribution’s session, the mushroom family never gave a lot. They were just two spore.
Why can’t Micheal J Fox draw a perfect circle?
Because he hasn't been trained as an artist.
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
Why could not the young vampire bat play baseball?
He was a bat boy.
Did you hear about the angry pancake? He just flipped.
I live on top of the mountain and i usually have 99 problems
But the beach ain't one
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
Did you hear about the elusive skating watermelon thief? Not really, the only description they got was a Caucasian melon wheels.
A man meets a fairy.
"I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy.
"I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man.
He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full.
"And youre second wish?" the fairy asks.
"Another one of those."
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
What kind of work do pigs do after school?
Hamwork.
"What did Frankenstein's monster say to his girlfriend?"
"Will you be my Valenstein?"
What's better than a talking dinosaur ? A spelling bee. What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up? Try-Try-Try-ceratops.
Mr. and Mrs. Turner had a baby girl.
They named her Paige, and they just couldn't put her down.
Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soot's him Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past? Because the present's beneath them.
On a recent flight, my friend asked me, "If the door suddenly opens, you think we will fall out?
I said, "No, we will still be friends."
"No body won the skeleton race."
As an April fools joke, I told my SO that I was pregnant...
...sadly she didn't fall for it.
The next round the wolf showed up at the butchery, he was arrested. This is because he was being tracked by the police for chop lifting.
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
"Funny, I've met a lot of pin-up girls, but I've never been able to pin one down."
Why does the cookie monster fear the gingerbread man? Because he’s one tough cookie.
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
Did you hear about the mother who gave birth to her baby while she was in the sky?
I guess you can say the baby was airborne
I’m so adjective, I verb noun.
What do you call flowers who are bffs?
Buds.
I'm the pun King of Halloween.
Apples and oranges had a conversation one day. Guess what the apples were saying the oranges, nothing stupid, apples don’t talk.
What’s gray, squeaky and hangs around in caves?
Stalagmice!
From one vegan to another – I think you’re fern-tastic, and I’ll never leaf you baby.
“Morning is wonderful. Its only drawback is that it comes at such an inconvenient time of day.”
— Glen Cook
Go to BabaMail
