What reassuring advice did the meninges give to the brain?
"Don't worry, I've got you covered."
"Have an eggs-tra special Easter day."
I shot the city sheriff.
I shot the city sheriff.
I shot the city sheriff.
Whats a bad flower pick-up line?
Lets put our tulips together?
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
What do you call an ant who likes to be alone?
Independ-ant.
what do you need to have proper grammar?
a proper grampar.
What did the rainbow say to the pot of gold? You'll be the end of me.
If you get an email about pork salt and fat, don't open it.
It's Spam.
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
I might need a doctor, because you're Dublin my heart-rate!
I met a girl that owned three french-fry factories. I was impressed but to her it was just small potatoes.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
On Halloween night a group of crows decided to enact a scene from the play Julius Ceaser, they were enacting the caw-nspiracy scene.
What did the ghost do at the red light? He came to a dead stop.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.
What do you call a woman with a frog on her head?
Lily.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
People really liked the new king's coronation day peach. He truly deserves the throne.
What kind of bean never grows in a garden? A jelly bean!
“You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.” —Billy Arthur
Whenever fall arrives, leaves start changing their color autumn-matically.
"When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life."
- Richard Lewis
What do you call an italian mosquito?
Malario.
The guy who invented throat lozenges died last week.
There was no coffin at the funeral.
Are people jealous of the Irish?
Yeah, they’re green with envy.
"If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you."
Be careful out there during the snowstorm. It ain't snow joke.
Why are they called tacos?
They don’t say much.
I heard Placebo on the radio. I actually thought it was The Cure.
What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
Give me my quarter back.
You must be regulated by the FDA because you treat, cure, and prevent my broken heart.
"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies."
I'm training to be an anesthetist, so I asked the head surgeon "Can I practice on my self first?"
He said "Sure, knock yourself out!"
Two artists had an art contest. It ended in a draw.
What do you call meat balls falling from the sky? A meat-ior shower.
What is a female "Douchebag" in France called??
A douche-baguette.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
Is it bad to swallow a cherry whole? No don't worry, it's just one of the pitfalls of life.
Q. Why was the blonde disappointed after her visit to an apiary?
A. There weren't any gorillas there. DUH!
“Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow…somewhere else!”
I surprised my friend as she was trying to steal another spine from a corpse...
She was takin' a back when taken aback!
Why was the square dance fiddler arrested for smuggling?
Because of his contra band...
Dad: Years ago I had the opportunity to meet R.E.M., and we even took a picture together with my buddies.
Son: Where are you in the photo?
Dad: That's me in the corner.
A man, during his night prays, asks God: "Oh, Lord... Why you’ve made women so beautiful?"
God replies: "So you can love them, my child."
"Fine, but my Lord, why you’ve made them so stupid?"
"So that they can love you back..."
What goes white black white black white black red?
A panda that falls from a cliff.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
An artist painted a wonderful fruit painting. It was a beautiful peach of work.
A peach biologist was looking for a peach-tree-dish for his upcoming experiment.
Go to BabaMail
