Have a gneiss day! This is one of the simplest rock puns, but it is certainly a gneiss way to start your day out right!
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
Did you hear about the cheese failed to medal at the olympics? It fell at the final curdle
“I travel a lot, I hate having my life disrupted by routine.”
– Caskie Stinnett
How rude-olf of you.
It’s so cold that when I dialed the emergency number, there was a recording that said to call back in spring.
Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?
A: To get his teeth crowned!
What do you call a bee that comes back from the dead?
Zombee
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
If Princess Toad looked liked you, I would have killed Bowser years ago.
How do you get in contact with a Greek architect?
You column.
Son: “Hey Dad, can we go to the beach?”
Dad: “Shore?”
I saw a fruit running from the police recently
It was a water felon.
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce "unionized."
I tried playing baseball in the fog today.
It was a bit hit and mist.
My wife tried to claim she was a night owl.
She was lying though, because when I tried to turn her head through 270 degrees, her neck snapped.
I can turn your software into hardware.
Without you, I’m like a null set… Empty.
Maturity is typically most rapid in a low latitude, where women and pineapples most do thrive.
What is the national fruit of Afghanistan?
Talibanana.
Roberta ran rings around the Roman ruins.
Who’s the arch-enemy of the Gsus chord?
The Dmin chord.
When the unicorn lost his job, there was nothing funny about being canned corn anymore.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant? An animal who never forgets to eat its carrots.
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
What it is it called if you refuse to go running today?
Resistance Training!
Where do point guards take their dates to party after the game?
To a basket ball.
What part of the body do you only see during Christmas? mistletoe.
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
Thank you for helping me. Biscuit’s the yeast I could do.
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
A student had a heart attack when she saw the grade on her exam
She passed.
Which country do sheep go on vacation? The Baaa-hamas.
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
I was straining some old noodles but eventually, I chickened out. It was such a broth-er.
The heavier you are the more people are attracted to you
At least in physics.
Its ok to kiss a nun....
But don't get into the habit.
Why did the rubber chicken cross the road?
To stretch her legs.
"When future archaeologists dig up the remains of California, they're going to find all of those gyms, their scary-looking gym equipment, and they're going to assume that we were a culture obsessed with torture."
- Douglas Coupland
Man: Do you work at the Bakery, cause you have a nice set of buns.
Woman: Do you work at a Grocery store? Then why are you checking me out?
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
Is your name Pepsi? Because you sure are sizzling.
Why did the tooth see a therapist?
To get to the root of their problems.
I bet you are the earth and I am the sun because you become hotter as we get closer.
When one of them have a birthday, turtles call for a shell-ebration.
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.”
George Burns
What did the watermelon wife say to his stinky husband? You’ve got a strange smelon you today.
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