There was a young lady of Lynn,
Who was so excessively thin.
That when she assayed,
To drink lemonade,
She slipped through the straw and fell in.
I used to love puns about throwing things, but now I don’t.
It was just a fling.
My girlfriend told me she will change me.
I thought she was referring to the character, but she found a new boyfriend.
The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...
It hertz.
Fall leaves whenever winter knocks on the door.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
Why was the computer coughing?
It had a virus.
Unlike the Leafs, I will never let you down.
Girl, you are so fine, I had to upgrade my graphics card just to admire your pictures.
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to France from America?
Son, we are now Europeants!
Are you a cat? Because you're purrrrrfect.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Thanks for all the sediment.
Me: I'll have a Corona please.
Waiter: *Cough*
Me: Thank you.
An astronaut did a huge crime. He broke the law of gravity and hence, got a suspended sentence.
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
If you pull the pin out of a grenade, is it possible to put it back in it so it won't explode?
I kinda need a quick response...
What's the best kind of pan to make sushi in?
Japan.
I loved the soup that they served at the local restaurant yesterday. It was simply pho-nomenol.
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them.
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.
Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
- Terry Pratchett.
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
I'm trying to think of a weather pun, but my mind's kinda cloudy now.
"You can close your eyes and imagine yourself in a relaxing place. Like on your sofa, not doing yoga."
- Grant Tucke
Some people think nuclear physics is interesting.
Well, in my opinion it's really Bohring.
Let's hang out sometime. You bring your beaker and I'll bring my stirring rod.
It’s so hot that farmers are feeding ice to the chickens so they won’t lay boiled eggs.
What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
What did the Gorilla say to his friend when he called him back on the phone?
You-Rang-a-Tang?
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution
It’s raining cats and dogs outside.
I think I just stepped in a poodle.
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
My sister asked me for some spider puns.
I told her to look them up on the web.
Why did the pumpkin cross the road? It fell off the wagon!
The temperature can only go up from here.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
What’s the healthiest part of a donut?
The middle.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
What do you call an ogre in an accident?
A car Shrek.
Why do blind people hate diving?
It scares the hell out of their dogs.
“Monday, you're so jealous of my relationship with Sunday because I am so happy to see you leave!”
Basketball players manage to remain cool even during tough matches because they stay closer to the fans.
If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries.
It’s so hot everyone is wearing sweat pants.
I just watched Sunday Night Football.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.
What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud.
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