“I can speak Esperanto like a native.”
Spike Milligan
What's faster - lightning, light, or diarrhea?
Diarrhea. Because I ran like lightning to the bathroom, turned on the light, but the diarrhea was already there.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
Grammar has never been my strong suit.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
Guess what I saw today. Everything I looked at.
I'll light your fire for you if you want!
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
Girl, you must be a Beatles song, because look at this Long, Long, Long Norwgian Wood.
I have been expelled from the Flat Earth Society.
Apparently, I went too far.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
Udon even know how to cook this udon recipe. Fortunately, I can teach you.
“Best friends know how crazy you are and still choose to be seen with you in public.”
— Unknown
What belongs to you but others use more? Your name
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
Why do pumpkins never quarrel? Because they have no stomach for fighting.
What did Snow White call her chicken?
Egg White.
For generations every male in my family has made and passed on their dad jokes.
Guess you could call it pop culture.
“You can always tell about somebody by the way they put their hands on an animal.”
- Betty White.
Sorry to bother you, I think I dropped my heart here. Can you pick it up?
I'm reading a romance book in Braille.
I don't think I'll finish. It's too touchy feely for me.
“When there’s snow on the ground L like to pretend I'm walking on clouds.”
Hey babe. Wanna go for a timmies run?
In Italy there is a group pf moms creating soft cheese...
They brand themselves as MOMzarella.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
You make me want to upgrade my Tivo.
What do you call it when cephalopods start becoming more strict about things?
Kraken down.
Zero lucks given on St. Patrick’s Day.
Some people think nuclear physics is interesting.
Well, in my opinion it's really Bohring.
Who were the first cheese lovers ever?
Edam and Eve.
Why is a Tornado the best type of football player?
Because it always gets touchdowns.
My friend told me to come and meet you.
He said you're a really nice person. I think you know him.
Jesus, yeah that's his name.
Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"
The policeman said, "What's he like?"
Little Johnny replied, "Beer and women!"
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
"Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself."
~ Anonymous
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
I put the “man” in Manitoba.
From a frog: Hey baby, it's a future rose from a future prince.
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon? Because he was a paleontologist.
The square root of all my fantasies is you.
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
There is a young schoolboy named Mason,
Whose mom cuts his hair with a basin.
When he stands in one place,
With a scarf round his face,
It's a mystery which way he’s facing.
Q: What do tigers and computers have in common?
A: They both have mega bites.
I’ve always thought that heck is the only thing hotter than the sun but that has all changed today.
I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.
She's made of auntie matter.
Go to BabaMail
