You're hotter than a data center!
Why do men have 2 heads and women 4 lips? Cause men do all the thinking and women do all the talking.
The fruit started to stutter as it was suffering from peach deterioration.
“Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.”
– Samuel Butler
What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
If the sun shines while it’s snowing, what should you look for?
Snowbows.
If you were even half as gorgeous as me, I'd consider sleeping with you.
I see we’re both doing Pigeons!
What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
“Deck the Halls with Bows on Collies.”
"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
My spiritual gift is my good looks. It lifts peoples spirits.
What do you call bacon with salt on it
Salt and Peppa
Where do school-going vampires carry their books?
In bat-packs.
The hiker hated the top of the mountain because it was all downhill from there!
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.”
Oscar Wilde
A worm child comes home. It sees mom and asks: "Mom, have you seen dad?"
Mom says: "Dad went fishing with the guys."
If I had a dime for every time I heard this joke, I’d have a dime. Never heard this one before!
What did the boyfriend mouse say too the girlfriend mouse family? Mice too meet you.
A truck full of christmas trees have been stolen.
Police admit they are stumped.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on a snail this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
While building a house, the architect took his fingers and dipped them in a jar of blue ink. He wanted to get the blueprints!
"Fun"
I love to hear a lobster laugh,
Or see a turtle wiggle,
Or poke a hippopotamus
And see the monster giggle,
Or even stand around at night
And watch the mountains wriggle.
– Leroy F. Jackson
Girl: "Babe I'm pregnant you're the father."
Guy: "Can't fool me it's April's Fools Day!"
Girl: "Haha! got me! You're not the father."
What was the donut’s least favorite part of its day?
I’m not really sure; it glazed over that part.
Dud you know Astronauts said steaks are better in space?
They're a little meteor.
What did an angry donut say to his wife?
Donut talk to me.
"Hey girl, I don't have power and success, but I'm funny."
- Modern Family
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
What's the opposite of urine?
I'm out.
I regret rubbing ketchup in my eyes
But that's Heinz sight.
What card game do crocodiles like playing?
Snap!
Working on lab science animals is a real rat race.
Your smile lit up the room so I had to come over.
What do sloths throw in winter? Slowballs.
Why did the bunny go to the hospital?
Because he needed a hopperation.
Q: What is a tornado’s favorite game?
A: Twister
“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.”—Liam Gallagher
My mom thinks I'm gay, can you help me prove her wrong?
“Deep summer is when laziness finds respectability.”
– Sam Keen
Are you a compound of beryllium and barium? Because you’re a total BaBe.
I'd like to eat breakfast with you.
Can I invite you to dinner?
What is a wolf’s favorite time of the year?
The howl-o-days.
Let’s shell-ebrate good times and tan lines.
"You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you’re married to a couch that burps." - Roseanne Barr
"If it costs you your peace of mind, you’ve overpaid."
— Rigel J. Dawson
Go to BabaMail
