Elizabeth has eleven elves in her elm tree.
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
Why did the werewolf laugh while chewing on the skeleton?
He got to the funny bone.
I’m a clover, not a fighter.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
My brother, who is an IT guy, got surgery done on his fingers. Now he can truly be called a tech-knuckle support guy.
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.
What’s a horse’s favorite country singer?
Colt-on Underwood.
What do you call a kangaroo DJ?
Disc joey.
What kind of birds do skeletons like?
Sea skulls.
What do you call bananas who are friends with monkeys? A bunch of idiots.
What do you call a hangover when you're alone in Spain?
Barf-a-lona.
A bear walks into a bear and says, “I’ll have a pint of lager……….. and a packet of crisps.”
The bartender says, “Sure, but what’s with the big pause?”
The bear replies, “I dunno, I was born with them!”
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him, "is that a Fret"?
What did the owl’s valentine say?
You are hootiful.
What do dogs like to drink? Kit-Tea.
If only thanksgiving was every month
A feast I would enjoy
But then I got to thinking
My diet it would destroy.
But the food we eat at Thanksgiving,
The turkey and the pumpkin pie
It is all so good and tasty,
To say otherwise is a lie.
And, then there are the relatives
Who gather each year
Some of them drive me crazy
But really they are all so dear.
Maybe it is good that
Thanksgiving only comes once a year
It makes us realize
That Christmas is near.
- Catherine Pulsifer
"You can't sip with us."
I'm taking indian cooking classes, because
I'm just so curryous about it.
"A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first."
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
"Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it." — Phyllis Schlafly
How hard is it to lose a wife? Nowadays its almost impossible.
What do monkeys sing at Christmas? Jungle bells, jungle bells…
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite video game, well it's definitely 'Super Princess Peach'.
Can I claim your baggage?
What kind of jokes do you make in the shower? Clean Jokes!
How do I know many hundreds of digits of pi greek and not the 7 digits of your phone number?
What's green and wears a cape?
Super Pickle.
What did Dracula say to the priest who visited his castle?
Don’t you ever cross me!
Do you have an inhaler? Because you took my breath away.
Flamingo parents are really cute with their babies. You should see them playing Beak a Boo.
What cookie makes you rich? A fortune cookie!
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn’t — the road moved back underneath him.
Man: "Hey, baby, if you come home with me, I can show you a really good time."
Woman: "You know what your problem is? Your mouth is writing checks that your body can't cash."
A crow’s favorite nutty dessert is Pecawn Pie.
A sheep, an idiot, and a snake walk into a bar.
Baaaa dumb hisssssss.
What does rain wear to a fancy dinner party? A rainbow-tie.
If a robber robs a house under renovation and accidentally leaves his handprint on wet cement,
Does that mean that the police have concrete evidence?
I think you are a horror movie because I can't sleep when I think about you.
The opposite of isolate is...
yousoearly.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.”
- Alan Dundes
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
The fungi turned down seconds at dinner because he never had mushroom.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws.
Wanna join me for some downward doggy-style tonight?
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
“Smiling is mouth yoga.” — Thich Nhat Hanh
Go to BabaMail
