Who’s there?
Can!
Can who?
Can Of Worms!
Your beautiful face looks like a field of flowers.
Can I follow you home? Cause my parents always told me to follow my dreams.
A place under Government
Was all that Paddy wanted.
He married soon a scolding wife,
And thus his wish was granted.
(Anonymous)
There those thousand thinkers were thinking how did the other three thieves go through.
Fir sure.
What chord does jesus play on guitar?
Gsus
What is a vector’s favorite band? One Direction!
I tried to catch the fog.
But I mist.
I found a sour strawberry today. It was berry bad.
“In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice which is still very much practiced.” —Helen Rowland
If you speak Hebrew and life gives you lemons...
You're an acidic Jew.
Whats The Most tiniest Virus Ever? "smallpox".
Sleigh my name, sleigh my name.
Fall makes me g-leaf-full!
A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.
“Look!” she said. “I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me.”
So, for her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.
A man walks into a bar. “Ouch.”
Who was Shakespeare's reptilian cousin?
Snakespeare
Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
When the farmer died, all his chickens were sold to the highest bidder.
They would have preferred to stay on the farm, but auctions speak louder than birds.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Have you seen the picture of Mount Rushmore before it was carved
It’s completely unprecedented.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
I go through so much shampoo it's just ridiculous!
I don't know, maybe my head is bigger than most but it does say to use a cap full.
Girlfriend wants to get married...
This came as startling news, I don't want her to!
"My routine is to ride that snooze button as far as it will take me, take a quick shower, get dressed in the dark and bolt out the door."
— Willie Geist
What is at the end of a rainbow?
The letter W.
What’s worse than one crocodile coming to dinner?
Two crocodiles coming to dinner.
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
Q: What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks?
A: Fowl weather.
"Between lovers, a little confession is a dangerous thing." — Helen Rowland
What’s green and hangs from trees?
Giraffe snot.
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
“What’s the best way to get your husband to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.” - Cindy Garner
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
That’s a nice Witch costume, but you won’t be needing the broom anymore, because you’ve already swept me off my feet.
People need to be careful about computers at all times because they byte.
Anne of Green Gables? More like Anne of Green Babeles.
Why is Pegasus so smart?
He’s all kno-wing.
Q. What do you get when you combine Blue Agave and literature?
A. Tequila Mockingbird
What’s a ghoul’s favorite Beatles song?
The Ghoul on the Hill!
What type of films should players watch to improve their shot? Slap stick.
The farmer called his prize cow a bull-dozer because she was always sound asleep in the fields.
What did the astronaut cook for lunch? An unidentifiable frying object.
Shes a fairy realistic person.
Are you Australian? Because you meet all of my koala-fications.
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
"I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?" - Jean Illsely Clarke
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
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