What's the difference between a Yankee Stadium hot dog and a Fenway Park hot dog? You can buy a Yankee Stadium hot dog in October.
What is a dentist’s favorite hymn?
Crown Him with Many Crowns.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, know what I have in common with this new powder? 8 inches.
Join us and let’s make pizza cheese grate again.
Do you want to know what you get when you cross a newborn snake with a basketball? Really! Ooh you will end up with a bouncing baby boa.
What concert costs 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
Why was the Navy Seal sad?
He doesn't like the color blue.
Irish I had another Guinness to drink.
“My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.”
― Henny Youngman
“The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money"
Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
"Between lovers, a little confession is a dangerous thing." — Helen Rowland
What happens when you go on an all-cheese diet?
You cheddar few pounds.
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
Do you also feel the strong gravitational pull of my bed?
Boy: You know quickie has u And i together.
Girl: Too bad ugly starts with a u.
It is not really much about how you bowl, but instead how you roll.
I like my partners, like how i like my fast-food meals. Extra-large!
I'm on a hunt - for your number.
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Sadie.
Sadie who?
Sadie magic word and watch me disappear!
Scuba diving is a good hobby... if you wanna hit rock bottom.
What do you say to a twenty ton dinosaur with headphones on? Anything you want. He can't hear you.
I hate when I have to stop scuba diving
If makes me deep-pressed
What kind of keys does a kid skeleton use on Halloween? Cook-keys.
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
Charles Dickens might have given you Great Expectations, but I can meet them.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion.
How did the skeletons make s’mores when they went camping?
They made them on the bone-fire.
Once a year, I take my family on a tour of various nuclear facilities.
While my kids like it, my wife says it’s just a power trip.
What's the worst part about April Fools?
Jokes without punchlines.
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
Why did the bunny build herself a new house? She was fed up with the hole thing!
I earned money by selling broth. Now I am a bouillonaire.
What does an ice cream lawyer say?
You got served.
What a great match, guess you could say its my Luke-y day
My email password has been hacked again
That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.
Why are glow worms good to carry in your Halloween bag?
They can lighten your load!
“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” – Bob Hope
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
Why are kangaroos good at brewing beer?
They have hops.
What do you call money that grows on trees? Marijuana
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag
A tea bag stays longer in the cup.
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
“A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places.”
– Tom Lichtenheld
Seth at Sainsbury's sells thick socks.
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
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