“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
Babe, are you Spotify? Because I would pay premium to spend uninterrupted time with you.
What will you call two quizzers having a date in spain comic con?
Spanish con-quiz-daters.
Why wouldn’t the Moon come to the Sun’s funeral?
It isn’t a mourning person
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
Do you sleep on your stomach? No. Can I?
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
The only way bees can fly right through the rain is when they have their yellow jackets on.
Cheesy Valentines Day Sayings
What are the best kind of flowers to get your girlfriend after screwing up?
Whoopsie Daisies
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Two 4's.
Two 4's who?
No need to make lunch we already 8.
Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.
What do you get when you put four ducks in a box?
A box of quackers.
There’s a new drama featuring herbivore doctors.
It’s called Graze Anatomy.
When you get a rainbow after the rain at least you are moving in the bright direction.
“You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there.”
Yogi Berra
Hey girl, are you Morphine? 'Cause, you take my pain away.
[Donuts] We’re going the hole nine yards for this game.
If you were a math test, I would cheat on you.
Did you damage my cerebellum? Because I’m falling all over the place for you.
“Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.”—Ogden Nash
Shell yeah.
What do aliens prefer to drink?
Gravi-tea.
Corona crisis reaches new level:
Iran out of toilet paper.
“Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
I was talking to this guy about how I hate geometry. You know what he said to me.
You just have to look at it from a different angle.
That’s a bit mulch.
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
Why did the hare go to the taco truck?
He couldn't beat the tortas.
I wish you were on the football team because I'd love to see your backfield in motion.
What did one eyeball say to the other?
Between you and me, something smells.
What kind of pasta do skeletons enjoy eating the most?
Elbow macaroni.
You read, white, and blew my mind.
Philosophy: A study which enables man to be unhappy more intelligently.
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
My grandad was responsible for 28 downed german planes in WW2.
Still to this day, he holds the record as the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
A couple was in the forest painting on fallen trees.
They were following their counsellor’s orders to have a meaningful dye-a-log.
Coming to Theaters: The thrilling tale of a man who cooked biographical books like turkey on Thanksgiving.
*Baste on a True Story...*
I was getting a record player down from a shelf and it dropped on my head!
But it didn't effect me
It didn't affect me
It didn't affect me
It didn't affect me...
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
“All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.”
― Unknown
"I hate tacos!"
Said no Juan ever.
"Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television."
Victoria Wood
What do ghosts and monsters drink after scaring people?
Ghoul-Aid.
Jellyfish and peanut butterare sea turtles favorite sandwich.
Q: Why are orange and banana phones so popular these days?
A: They have appeal.
What did the woodworm say to the chair?
It's been nice gnawing you.
What do you call a necromancer werewolf?
A dog with a bone.
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