I want you more then an ice-cream on a hot summer day.
Q: Why was the cherry by himself?
A: Because the banana split.
Hot dog, I love a good meat pun.
Which monster did the three bears catch sleeping?
Ghouldilocks!
Emphysema puffs pink, chronic bronchitis makes you blue, but no COPD makes me as breathless as you!
I bet you I could stop gambling.
Why was the weightlifter upset?
She worked with dumbbells.
Where do crows go to get educated?
CAWlege
You make my heart race, and there is no finish line.
I had a flamingo come to stay with me when he had a cold. We nicknamed him phlegmingo.
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
What do bakers tell their children at night?
Breadtime stories.
“A baby changes your dinner party conversation from politics to poops.”
- Maurice Johnston.
Why do vampires clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath.
What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an angry man? A kangryoo
What kind of spells do leprechauns use?
Lucky Charms!
Do you like my cologne? It’s derived from the musk gland of the industrious beaver.
What do you called a crow that cant find his way?
A lost caws
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
What do you call a rich goblin?
GOBLING.
"I just can't take the bad lovemaking anymore".
I'm actually way hotter than poutin.
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“A snowball in the face is surely the perfect beginning to a lasting friendship.”
– Markus Zusak
A piano player got arrested at a wedding...
He was trying to root the relatives.
"If love is the answer, could you please re-phrase the question?"
- Lily Tomlin
What did the pig say on a hot summer’s day?
I’m bacon!
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
Why was the food critic fired?
They didn't reference their sauces
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
What's the use of having the best phone, but not having my number?
What is the difference between a deer nut and a beer nut?
“A beer nut is often more than a buck but a deer nut is always under a buck.”
Baby, if you were a fruit you'd be a Fineapple.
Today, my son asked, “Can I have a bookmark?”
I burst into tears. 12 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.
Before I ducked out to the shops, my wife asked me to put ketchup on the shipping list.
Now I can't read it.
What do you call a titan that can't swim?
Titanic.
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases? Their making headlines...
Within minutes, the detective figured out what the murder weapon was.
It was a brief case.
What’s the coolest part of a skeleton?
The hip.
Tne thing you won't catch a vampire ordering in a restaurant is a stake sandwich.
I created a presentation on my computer but didn't use password protection...
Now it has visual aids.
Yesterday, I changed a light bulb, crossed the street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
Q: Why did the tiger cross the road?
A: To stop the zebra crossing.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Lava is red and tsunamis are blue. If I had to choose a case study, I’d choose you.
Why did the ocean leave the party early?
She was getting really tide.
I need to apologize to my fellow Californians for all the recent forest fires.
Apparently I'm the only one that could've prevented them
You can hold my hand if you're afraid of camp fire stories.
Go to BabaMail
