Baseball point to ponder: Why do we sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" at the ballpark, if we're already there?
“You can’t have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage worth ethic.” — Zig Ziglar
A lobster's favorite shot in tennis?
The lob.
What's a frog's favorite flower?
A croakus.
I started watching soccer because I could see it’s very relevant to my life.
Little to no goals.
“While I was in the doctor’s waiting room, there was this tiny man, only about six inches tall. Although he was there before me, he let me see the doctor first. I suppose he just had to be a little patient.”
If you happen to knock down all the pins, don’t be overly excited. Spare us the details.
Why are frogs so happy?
Because they eat whatever bugs them.
I told a friend that I thought his pet zebra was a fake. He said, “Well spotted”.
Did you hear about the sick juggler? They say he couldnt stop throwing up!
So I was reading my bible the other day and I was wondering if you know what Paul meant by "Greet one another with a holy kiss?"
“A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.” - Jerry Seinfeld
Why aren't there more Bigfoot jokes?
There are, but they're really hard to find!
When does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.
Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce? Because he thought his wife was a flake.
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
Women should not have children after 34.
Really, 34 children are enough.
What kind of dishes do skeletons serve tea on?
Bone china.
If I was a planet and you, my moon! I’d stop spinning just by looking at you.
What do you call a sorcerer who only deals in urine magic?
A whizzard.
How many Winter Park ski instructors does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to screw it in, and two to say, "Nice Turns, Nice Turns!"
What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A horrible boating accident.
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
They Put-in.
Your Bosons are giving me a Hadron.
How do beavers make a bouncy dam? Well, they use spring water.
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
I know tons of dad jokes! Here’s one
1.
How do you hold a bat?
By the wings.
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
How does a chicken mail a letter to her friend?
In a HEN-velope!
Overheard on a bus... What do you call a social hermit crab?
Just a crab.
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?
The damage was irreparable.
What does a giant Tyrannosaurus eat? Anything she wants!
I recently took a trip to Alaska. We ate at a fancy restaurant where the chef made us an amazing meal from native animals and vegetables we helped forage. I asked if he had ever had whale blubber or seal meat.
He said "nah, I’m not really Inuit."
What do bats say to those they dislike? Good riddance to bat rubbish!
I hope your day is as radiant as your smile.
Q: Why was the fruit not selected for the singing competition?
A: He has a flat peach.
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
Why did the potato wear socks?
To keep his pota-toes warm.
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
A.A Milne
What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use? A dino-saw. Who makes the best prehistoric reptile clothes ? A dino-sewer.
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
It is a great idea to ask peaches to make your shoes. After all, they make excellent cobblers.
The couple who married during autumn lived apple-ly ever after!
What word looks the same backwards and upside down? Swims
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
What is a corn's favorite song?
Corn fields forever.
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