Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
I went to see the Liberty Bell the other day.
It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
What do you call the Greek version of Spider-Man?
Pita Parker.
“My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.” – Buddy Hackett
At a recent job interview, the hiring manager
asked me if I can perform under pressure.
I said: "No, but I can do Bohemian Rhapsody."
Why did the sailor throw a penny into the whale’s mouth?
The sailor thought he was was a wishing whale!
What did the upright bass say to the nervous guitar?
“You’re too high strung, don’t fret.”
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it by not dying.”
Woody Allen
What do you do when a ton of ghosts show up at your house? Hope that it’s Halloween!
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
Your love is like vodka. You’re worth the chase.
A lot of people can't understand why Daniel Day Lewis's twin brother Daniel Night Lewis didn't make it in the movies.
That's because the difference between them is night and day.
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
Where my prose at?
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes!
The best place on earth to shop for soccer kits is New Jersey.
What did the glass of wine say to the beer?
Nothing... They barley knew each other.
What drink do you need to steal? Virgin-tea. Why do hipsters only drink iced tea? Because ice was water before it was cool.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
"Joker Grandpa"
Always finds a way, to make fun of my folks,
He is hilarious, with plenty of jokes.
A true expert, on many pranks,
For making us laugh; a little thanks.
At the dinner table, he’s rarely serious,
His tricks are cool and quite mysterious.
I’m not saying that he knows magic,
Some of his stunts are lame and tragic.
Grandpa knows how to pull your strings,
A cheerful guy, that constantly sings.
Never know, what he’ll come up with next,
Our joker grandpa, fun and perplex.
Why don’t skeletons do well at sports?
Because they have no skin in the game!
Since the bartender is not a chemist, he has no idea that H2O2 is the chemical formula for hydrogen peroxide, and gives both chemists a glass of water. Expecting that one to end a little differently, too? If you’re unfamiliar, this is the (rather dark) way that joke usually ends. Plus, check out some more brainy and hilarious science jokes.
What do horses use to eat?
Breastplates.
Your name must be Coca Cola, because you're so-da-licious.
“How can something so small create so much of something so disgusting?”
- Michael, ‘Three Men And A Baby.’
Hi, my name's Pogo. Wanna ride on my stick?
Hey the cyclist, can I take you for a spin on my handlebars?
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One draws a line in the dirt and says, "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face."
That was the punchline.
What do you call a cat that was caught by the police? The purr-petrator.
What do you call a Grizzly at a nude beach?
Bear Naked.
What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.
What do you call really scared pasta?
Chicken noodles.
Why are some umpires fat?
Because they always clean the plate.
When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
Did you know Doctor Frankenstein used to be a lonely, lonely man?
Then he learned how to make friends.
When you go with an army general onto a bowling alley, he will start bowling even before you enter his name on the scoreboard.
The reason you will see all the cows lie down when it starts to rain is because they want to keep each
udder dry.
If you are going to sleep, I wish you suite dreams.
Why did the farmer cross the road?
To get his chicken back.
Have you ever been fishing in Lake Michigan? 'Cause we should hook up sometime.
What is the wise gardener's mantra?
Weed 'Em and Reap!
I was just telling my friend Michael Rains about my unfortunate allergy to my home-grown barley.
My grains give me migraines, Mike Rains.
“Everyone wants me to be a morning person. I could be one, only if morning began after noon.”
— Tony Smite
After the rain has cleared and the sun comes out, rainbows are so quick to appear they'll red like wildfire.
I was selling my bike and an interested buyer asked what’s lowest I’d go.
"About 3 mph," I said, "otherwise I’d tip over."
Dad, do you like baked apples? Yes son, why? The orchard's on fire.
Wow, we really matched? I guess we’re simply Seb-posed to be
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
Go to BabaMail
