Q: What’s red and goes up and down, up and down?
A: A cherry in a lift.
The mossbacks could not connect with the new developments, so the bill was hot
down at the senate.
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Q. What is a gorilla in a wheelchair called?
A. Dis-ape-led.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
My wife treats me like a God – every evening at dinner I get a burnt offering.
Musta woke with feelings of dread;
I bet that he thought he was dead.
Upon its unmasking,
The question I’m asking:
’Twas the ghost of white or wheat bread?
- by Jeff Kyser
The river fish went to the library and asked if he can get a book. The librarian said: "You can start by-rowing it."
How many grams of protein are there in that slice of chocolate pie? 3.14159265.
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Why couldn't the squirrel eat the macadamia nut?
It was one tough nut to crack.
Learning how to collect trash wasn’t hard.
I just picked it up as I went along.
Where do bats keep their money? The blood bank!
Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only 10 I see!
What kind of cheese to beavers eat?
Edam.
Are you a pot-head? Because weed be cute together
The pineapple is pining for the summer.
A couple is lying in bed.
The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you."
“A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.”—Helen Thomson
How do worms measure their length?
They ask a tape worm to help out!
Three tomatoes are walkin' down the street.
Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato.
Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato gets really angry.
Goes back and squishes him and says: "Ketchup."
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
Girl, you're so expensive, my insurance is requiring prior authorization before our first date.
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
When is a synapse like a tree?
When it is pruned.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
"I need summer to be longer so I have more time to do nothing"
Sorry, but I can only be with you twice.
That's Now...and Forever.
The best way to get back at someone is to push them in the snow; after all, revenge is a dish best served cold.
There was an Old Person of Anerley,
Whose conduct was strange and unmannerly;
He rushed down the Strand
With a pig in each hand,
But returned in the evening to Anerley.
A place under Government
Was all that Paddy wanted.
He married soon a scolding wife,
And thus his wish was granted.
(Anonymous)
You must be Portuguese because I could Lisbon to that accent all night long.
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard for long hours. The blacksmith instructed the boy, “When I take the shoe out of the fire, I’ll lay it on the anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer.”
The apprentice did just as he was told. Now he’s the village blacksmith.
Why did Frankenstein turn to solar?
For the free charge.
Ice cream trucks are pretty hardy, but they will break down if they drive over the rocky road.
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
My father is so cheap...
When we go to bed he unplugs the clocks.
What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell
A photon is going through airport security. The TSA agent asks if he has any luggage. The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."
How could I dance with another. When I saw you standing there.
Why did the fisherman suddenly redirect his boat?
Just for the halibut.
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
I know a family of artists but I am not sure how they make so much money...
Very sketchy people.
What happened when the two giraffes had a race?
It was neck and neck.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
Go to BabaMail
