What kind of music do goats listen to?
Baaa-ch!
Q. Why couldn't the gorilla run in the marathon?
A. Because he's not part of the human race!
Are you p>0.5, because I’d never reject you.
What do you call a weather man that destroys dinosaurs?
A meteorologist
Emo bunnies just do not carrot all.
What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in New York?
Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Why did the toddler cross the road?
He wanted to pet the chicken.
Girl, are you my Spotify playlist? ‘Cuz I wanna listen to you all day long.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
How come Crabs never share with their friends?
Because they're Shellfish.
Why does the earth appreciate the moon so much?
It keeps the oceans tidy.
I tripped in France.
Eiffel over.
If you really want to get a date at a restaurant, it’s always nice to cut to the cheese.
A magician once said he could make a tiger disappear but only transformed it into a tabby cat...
It was a sleight exaggeration.
Why did the witch's team lose the cricket game?
Their bats flew away.
What is a dentist’s favorite hymn?
Crown Him with Many Crowns
Why did the vampire get a COVID test?
Because he was COFFIN.
I think you are a horror movie because I can't sleep when I think about you.
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
What do you get when you cross a tortoise and a llama?
A turtle-neck sweater.
What do you call it when a taco stands in your way ?
An obs-taco
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
When my friend Frank died, his body was cremated and his ashes were placed in a decorative German beer tankard.
Now he's Frank in stein.
Why was the crow upset about his job? The HR fired the crow with no caws.
Why did the turkey cross the road? It was the chicken's day off!
A kid at the spelling bee was asked to spell "inward"
A teacher tackled him after the first G
Round the rough and rugged rock the ragged rascal rudely ran.
"It’s bad manners to let vacation wait!"
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
I couldn't stop laughing when my father warned my brother, saying, "If you hack my Microsoft Office, I will find you, you have my Word".
I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says “The Titanic is syncing.”
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
I'd got to bat for you, babe.
Twinkle twinkle little bore.
Close your mouth, it's not a door.
You are just as cold as ice,
It is you that I despise.
(While she’s leaving) "Hey, aren’t you forgetting something?"
Girl: "What?"
"Me."
What was stolen from the music store? The lute.
What does the like to parrot wear to the beach? A beak-ini!
What do you call a low-quality Russian composer, pianist, and conductor of the late Romantic period?
Knockmaninoff.
If we were chromosomes, you’d be my homologous pair.
I applied to be a sperm donor recently and the nurse asked me if I could masturbate in the cup.
I told her I’ve done it a few times before but I don’t know if I’m ready to compete in a tournament.
After his meal, the cannibal wipes his mouth and says: “My wife cooks the greatest soup in the world. But I will miss her so much.”
Why did the cat get fined? He was caught littering
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
Bake big batches of bitter brown bread
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
The doctor told me he found something alarming in my colonoscopy.
Turns out it was a clock.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
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