How about you and I form a binary system?
“My bowl of soup must be cracked as it is all wet down here”. “Well, I guess it is because your soup has a leek in it.
"Just don't carrot all."
So I went to France and bought a house made of bread
I guess you could say I'm living in pain.
Whats the first day of the week called in outer space?
Moonday.
What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
Go to sweep, dear.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
There are two skeleton teachers at school. One is humerus, but the other is very sternum.
When I asked the bus driver for directions, it was a 'bus stop' service!
What’s the difference between a school bus driver and a winter cold? One knows all the stops, and the other stops the nose.
"The trouble with being a parent is that by the time you are experienced, you are unemployed." – Anonymous
What cheese is made backwards?
Edam.
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
Q: Why did the fruit finish her homework so quickly?
A: Because the homework was a peach of cake.
What four animals does a woman like to have in her house?
A tiger in bed, a mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage and a jackass to pay for it all.
“If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?”
- Will Rogers
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
“I have a passion for not cooking.”
― Unknown
The young loaf of bread ended up getting fired from his job because he kept loafing around. Poor guy.
"If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again."
I know an old man who's a vampire. He's quite long in the tooth.
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”
"Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings." — David Sedaris
Are you lonesome tonight? I can't help falling in love with you.
Dublin over in laughter.
My landlord asked me out on a date.
He said I should be out of the house by the 17th.
“I need to get up; my coffee needs me.”
— Unknown
My Dermatologist was fired today...
He made too many rash decisions.
“Pride, commitment and teamwork are words they use to get you to work for free.” – Anonymous
Every 60 seconds, a minute passes.
Girl, are you fries? Because I would like you at my side.
“The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money.” – IRS auditor
You're acute Valentine.
You’re the pumpkin pie of my eye.
Why did Dr. Frankenstein hire Igor as his assistant?
He had a hunch about him.
What do you call a cow that has 2 legs? Side of beef
I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.
I had a job repairing 17th century violins...
I only fixed instruments that were BAROQUE.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
"My Handprints"
My dirty little handprint
I've left on every wall
And on the drawers and tabletops
I've really marked them all.
But here is one that won't rub off,
I'm giving it to you…
Do you know why??
Well, I'm so thankful
to have a father like you.
A vampire can't be a comedian. They just aren't funny, and worst of all they always know they suck.
So I attended a salsa class today
The instructor says to everyone: "Alright folks, who's ready to learn how to dance??"
I realized that there was a misunderstanding, and ran off with my bag of tortilla chips.
He was showing off his new gaming gadget, "it has the latest peach recognition technology" he said.
Who needs a sled when you can just ride me?
“Thanksgiving is a lot like Christmas, except you don’t get any presents for holding in your familial rage.” -Unknown
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Yah.
Yah who?
No, I prefer Google.
Go to BabaMail
