A fortune-teller told me you’ll give me your number tonight. Was she right?
Sunshine on a Woman's Day?
Broad-day light.
What do you call a glass of alcoholic pig’s blood? Swine.
Who has better beer: Rabbits or Kangaroos?
Kanagaroos. While they both do great with the hops, Kangaroos just have a little more kick!
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
I thought I was swimming in the river Thames, but apparently I made it all the way to France before I realized I'm in Seine.
Girl, you’re like Propofol. You’re a knockout.
What did the crow decide to dress up as on Halloween? As a scarecrow.
Help me score one more time for team Canada?
I see my future like how the Americans spell colour. Without u.
The two loaves of bread could not wait to stare through the delivery room window. They wanted to see their new bun-dle of joy.
You must be a geologist because you rock my world.
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
- Sam Levenson
What do you call 2 Mexicans playing tennis?
Juan on Juan!
What do you call it when dress up like a cowboy?
Ranch dressing
What do you call a fake Nokia? A phone-y of course.
My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.
Why are popsicles so snobby?
They have a stick up their butt.
Where do dolphin races end?
Dolphinish line!
What do you call an immature goat?
A silly billy.
You’re so attractive, the gravitational disturbance is causing my galactic center to elongate.
What happened when the tiger ate the comedian?
He felt funny!
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
I have written a book on Penguins.
In hindsight, paper would have been better.
What Disney movie can a deer watch over and over again?
Fawn-tasia.
Which athlete wrote the book, Jumping for Exercize?
Lee Ping.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
A silent man walked into a bicycle shop...
He picked up a wheel and spoke.
A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.
He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.
Orange you excited for Halloween?
So I went to France and bought a house made of bread
I guess you could say I'm living in pain.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
“I need a vacation so long, I forget all my passwords!”
There was an Old Man of the Hague,
Whose ideas were excessively vague;
He built a balloon
To examine the moon,
That deluded Old Man of the Hague.
“When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money.”
— Susan Heller
“Whenever I travel with my 4 young kids I always forget something. Like how stupid it is to travel with 4 young kids.”
– Jim Gaffigan
I could say that I wandered lonely as a cloud before I met you, but what are these Wordsworth if you won't go out with me?
"I refuse to admit I’m more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate." - Nancy Astor
What's a nervous person's favorite drink?
Insecuri tea!
Why did the lemon like the orange? He’s not from concentrate.
If I had Jack Sparrow's compass, it'd be pointing at you.
Never take a flamingo to the local swimming baths. They really don’t like claw-rine.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
Why couldn’t the old cat see? He suffered from car-aracts
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
White wine costs less,
Than dinner for two.
Go to BabaMail
