If everything in life passes, why do not you pass me your WhatsApp?
It’s so hot I saw a squirrel picking up nuts with potholders.
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
Who does a Karen yell at if her computer isn't working?
The task manager.
It’s so cold that even the polar bears started drinking hot chocolate.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I can’t rhyme,
Banana
Excuse me, can you empty your pockets? I believe you have stolen my heart.
It’s so hot you can wash and dry your clothes at the same time.
Once you finish deep breathing, do you want to start panting?
"I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough." — Russell Brand
Wanna see a magic trick? Abrakadabra, you're single now.
When the peach pit farewell to his friend, he said, "See you later, peach out".
What did the storm drain say when it learnt it'd be getting a new cover?
That's just grate.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Why are pigs awful basketball players?
They hog the ball.
You look like a bowl of ice cream, I just want to spoon you.
“Dear Monday, I want to break up. I’m seeing Tuesday and dreaming about Friday. Sincerely, it’s not me, it’s you.”
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
Why did the computer break up with the internet? There was no "Connection".
Is chicken soup good for your health?
Not if you’re the chicken.
Say what you want about waiters, but I think they bring a lot to the table.
What did the worm say to the other when he was late home? Where in earth have you been.
If you were here, Abby all over you
What does the mushroom say to his lover? – “I have so mush-room in my heart for you, baby!”
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
Have a gneiss day! This is one of the simplest rock puns, but it is certainly a gneiss way to start your day out right!
A berry funny strawberry candy is called a Laffy taffy.
Power naps are great. You can really build up charge with them.
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing? Au revoir.
We should get some coffee because I'm liking you a latte.
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Girl you're looking like a snack and I'm going on a diet.
A trip to Ireland is quite a cliffhanger.
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says “I’ll take a glass of H2O.” The second says “I’ll take a glass of H2O too.”
You remind me of my last biking accident. Because I am going head over heels for you.
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
What’s an ig?
A snow house without a loo!
“It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.”—John Grogan
What does the ginger bread man put on his bed? A cookie sheet.
You must be a sustainably farmed mushroom because you’re really growing on me.
Is your name Summer? It has to be, because you're hot!
What kind of jokes do you make in the shower? Clean Jokes!
Housework is for people who don’t know how to garden.”
— Anonymous
What do you call an Amish Man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?
A mechanic.
My Dad drove a truck for 32 years.
He was terrible with directions.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Have you ever seen a baby dragon eating ice cream?
It'll melt your heart.
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite game, it's peach ball.
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