A wolf that uses bad language is known as a swearwolf.
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Tell him I can't see him right now."
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
What was the horse’s best ballroom dance? The Foxtrot.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
I bought my missus an egg-beater for our wedding anniversary.
I knew she wanted me to whisk her away.
What's more amazing than a talking turkey? A spelling bee!
I’m an astronaut and my next mission is to explore Uranus.
Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
Being uncomfortable with any physical contact, I decided to rent the book “How to Hug” from the library.
Turns out it was Volume 6 of an old encyclopedia.
Bruce Lee had a vegan brother,Broco Lee.
What Do You Call Two Ducks And A Cow?
Quakers and milk.
Hey Anna, how about you Anna I grab a drink sometime?
Why is it always easy for vampires to find their better halves?
Because it’s always love at first bite.
What vehicle does T-Rex use to go from planet to planet? A Dinosaucer
When banana growers are heart broken, what do they sing? What else but Peelings?
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
It’s so hot, when the temperature drops below 95 I start to feel chilly.
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
What happens when you go on an all-cheese diet?
You cheddar few pounds.
What does a horse call her best friend?
Her mane chick.
I have an inferiority complex but it's not a very good one.
Poor white splash.
Unfortunately, the jumper cables are getting a divorce. They just had no spark.
Donut take this the wrong way, but I just want to sprinkle you with sugar and spice.
"Do you have a cell phone I could use?"
"Why?"
"Someone has to call God and tell him that one of his angels is missing."
- Couples Retreat (2009)
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.
I used to have wavy hair... Turns out it was waving goodbye.
"A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows."
- Doug Larson
Where do you go to weigh a pie? Somewhere over the rainbow.
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
"If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough."
― Phyllis Diller
How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.
"If you can survive 11 days in cramped quarters with a friend and come out laughing, your friendship is the real deal."
— Oprah Winfrey
What did the fishermen say to the fish that swam away? "You bass-tard!"
The only difference between time and a ball hog is that the former passes.
“Me to my students every day: Close your eyes. If you can still see me, it could be a sign that your eyes are still open.” – Unknown
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
No taxation without representation! But, there is a kiss tax. Strictly enforced and right on the lips.
“Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.”
William James
What did the Soup Nazi say to the canine? What Soup Dawg.
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
Why did the donut go to the doctor?
He was feeling crumby.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
I tried to play a bass guitar once.
It didn't make much sound, and it slipped out of my hands and swam away.
I dropped a ball in
your lap
It's time to play
I just put a ball
in your lap
So it's time to play
See that ball
I placed in your lap?
That means it's
time to play
You can have your
emergency appendectomy
Any other day
But I dropped a ball
in your lap
And now it's time to play
Go to BabaMail
