What was the most flexible dinosaur? Tyrannosaurus Flex.
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
How do you spot a radical baker?
They’re always going against the grain.
What do you call a big queue of trucks, making cheesy one-liners? A pick-up line.
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
Jameson on St. Patrick’s Day? It’s worth a shot.
An unlucky skydiver's last pun: 'Ah chute!'
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
After I show a peach the way, it says: “I really ap-peach-iate your help!”
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball!
What kind of cats love to go bowling? Alley cats!
What do you call Vietnamese animal doctors?
Vietnam Vets.
The best way to get back at someone is to push them in the snow; after all, revenge is a dish best served cold.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
An apple and an orange signed up for a tournament. No one was really surprised when they had both were seeded.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite rap artist?
Feta wap.
Why are kangaroos good at brewing beer?
They have hops.
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
Got my friend an unnecessarily large rocket for bonfire night.
He's over the moon!He's over the moon!
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
Hey Anthony, methinks Antho-Need your number
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them
What is the suckiest fruit?
A strawberry.
What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio? Cool Music
Who is never hungry on Thanksgiving?
The turkey, because he’s already stuffed!
Teaching babies to walk is hard, but you just have take it one step at a time.
What is the tallest building in the world? The library! It has the most stories!
Now that it's summer, we've got to seas the day!
What do you call a gorilla wearing headphones?
Anything you'd like, it can't hear you.
A chap goes to see the doctor with salt on one ear and pepper on the other. The doctor says, “You need to start eating more sensibly”.
In later years was the Great One in decline? Yes he was on the Wayne.
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring.
What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.
Why don’t anteaters get sick?
Because they’re full of antibodies.
It’s so cold that the snowflakes froze in the air and birds used them as stepping stones to get from tree to tree.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
Hey, I just got my flight number. I'm just missing your phone number.
What sport do wasps love?
Sting-pong.
What’s the worst thing about a bread pun?
It tends to get stale.
What do you get when you cross an owl with an oyster?
Pearls of wisdom.
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
Just shooting my shot here, because you look so good. Hope it lands, but I guess Wesley..
What do monkeys sing at Christmas? Jungle bells, jungle bells…
How does a flower propel a bicycle?
It petals!
Shouldn't you be on top of the tree, Angel?
"Humor is reason gone mad."
Did you hear about the person who watched too many Shrek movies?
He ogre-dosed.
It's a nice night for a white rice fight.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
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