Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
“Carpe per diem – seize the check.” – Robin Williams.
Why are birthdays good for you?
People who have the most live the longest.
Wow, you feel like a comet, you are a once-in-a-lifetime experience, and I’m glad I didn’t miss it. Can I buy you a drink?
Why did the volleyball player cross the street? There were players on the other side.
It was the pie piper who had led the strawberries to the bakery.
Hey Anna, how about you Anna I grab a drink sometime?
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
What is a vector’s favorite band? One Direction!
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
What's the sketchiest button combo on a computer keyboard?
Shift + T
My HOA agreement has a statement mandating we have an inflatable Santa displayed in our yard during December.
There is a Santa clause.
What do you call the mushy stuff between a great white shark's teeth?
Slow swimmers.
Why are there fish at the bottom of the sea?
Because they dropped out of school.
I’m a small Irish creature who has been diagnosed with a serious sickness. It’s Leprechronic.
"I am having an out-of-money experience." ~ Anonymous
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
You must be vaporizing from a solid-state because I think you are absolutely sublime.
What Did The Duck Say When The Waitress Came?
Put it on my bill!
Did you know it's illegal to water your plants in China ?
It causes the microphones to rust.
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !
When the theatre owner dies, his visitation hours are as follows: 1pm, 3pm, 6:30 pm, 9pm, and midnight.
How do the Skywalkers like their bath water?
Luke-warm.
What do you call a little tune about atmospheric moisture?
A humi-ditty.
“I tried yoga once but took off for the mall halfway through class, as I had a sudden craving for a soft pretzel and world peace.” – Terri Guillemets
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
When you cross a sheep and a wolf, you will end up with a new sheep, you can’t make such a costly mistake with wolves.
How do the elves clean Santa's sleigh on the day after Christmas? They use Santa-tizer!
What soup killed Rob Stark? Italian Wedding Massacre.
Honestly, I'm into necrophilia. Wanna come home and play dead?
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
The glass eyeball manufacturer is having a promotion
An eye for an eye.
“It’s bizarre that the [grocery store] produce manager is more important to my children’s health than the pediatrician.”
Unknown
What do you call an East-European cosmetic?
Nail Polish.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
Til death do us part and then some, dear.
Longfellow is the known poet of basketball.
He came, he thawed, he conquered.
"Snowball"
I made myself a snowball
As perfect as could be.
I thought I’d keep it as a pet
And let it sleep with me.
I made it some pajamas
And a pillow for its head.
Then last night it ran away,
But first, it wet the bed.
– Shel Silverstein
“Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” – Earl Nightingale
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
Why did the game warden arrest the ghost? No haunting license.
Octopus ocular optics.
Did you hear about the restaurant they built on the moon?
The food is good but it lacks atmosphere.
“Money can’t buy happiness. But it can buy plants, and that’s the same thing.”
— Anonymous
If you don’t have a lot of figurines from Ancient Greek mythology, I can give you a mini tour.
Enough of the Corona virus jokes
We're all getting sick of them!
Go to BabaMail
