“Sometimes, being silly with a friend is the best therapy.”
— Unknown
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
You must be Australian because you've turned my life upside-down.
When you write copy you have the right to copyright the copy you write.
Why are geologists never hungry?
They lost their apatite.
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.
It's a Cemer Tree.
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
Did you hear about the rundown swimming pool?
It was a real dive!
Why did Benjamin get sick after eating too much ice cream? He was lactose intolerant.
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
“Monday I shall slay thee with my mighty cup of coffee.”
Damn girl, I must be reading a book because you are FINE print.
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
- Steve Martin
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown
What brand of hand soap do telephone operators use? Dial.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
What caused the airline to go bankrupt? Runway inflation.
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
Now I know why Solomon had 700 wives.
Because he never met you.
A group of crows placed evenly between two margins is definitely a justified murder.
Have you heard about the new band located in the north east of england?
They're called Durham Durham.
Hold still, there's a mosquito on your a$$.
"They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it." ~ Joseph Addison
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
Why did the river refuse to join the sea? Because the sea was salty.
"I bought my wife a ticket to go on a cruise. It's no Titanic, but I'm optimistic."
Asked a pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?"
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
A husband reels off a list of presents he suggests buying his wife for her birthday.
She rejects them all.
“Well you tell me what you want then.”
“I want a divorce.” she replies.
“I wasn’t planning on spending that much.”
Can I tell you a joke about paper. Nah, never mind, its tearable.
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
Making puns ha?
Toucan play that game.
“Hiking is just walking where it’s okay to pee.” – Demetri Martin
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
Why did the volleyball player cross the street? There were players on the other side.
What do you see at a funeral for a piece of fruit? Apple-bearer.
What did the snowman eat?
Icebergs with chilli sauce.
If you were a fishing fly you'd be 'irresistible'.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
How do you trap a drum kit?
Use a snare
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
Q. Where can you view sculptures and paintings created by deer?
A. At the art moose-seum.
I had some impure water so I boiled the hell out of it and collected the condensation...
Now it’s wholly water.
“All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.”
― Unknown
Roses are red, violets are blue, Antarctica is hot compared to you.
Nice legging. Are you making a fashion statement? Because you got my attention.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog.
Go to BabaMail
