Visitors are Doolin over these gorgeous views.
I read Reims of info before I got here, but nothing can prepare you for how beautiful this place is.
Did you hear about the metamorphosis professor who just gave up on life? He really needed a change.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you throw me in the cold, cold water!
The graphic designer's present company gave her a substantial raise while a rival company also gave a similar offer. I am now caught in hue minds!
There was an Old Man of Vesuvius,
Who studied the works of Vitruvius;
When the flames burnt his book,
To drinking he took,
That morbid Old Man of Vesuvius.
Are you from history? Because your body looks royal.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
An owl had a sore throat but wasn't bothered.
He couldn't give a hoot.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Me: When is your birthday?
She: March 1st
Me: *walking around the room* When is your birthday?
What do you call a bear without any teeth?
A gummy bear.
You’re my heartthrob.
Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.”
― Erma Bombeck
Did you guys know that dolphins attack seals for sport?
It's almost like they do it on porpoise.
Did you hear about the man who used to be addicted to eating raw meat? Don't worry, he's cured now!
What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence
What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.
I can't believe I can't see the bottom of the ocean.
It's unfathomable.
"Personally, I like people who peach on time, and are always punctual," said the strawberry.
“I’ve always loved yoga because you get to connect to a deep religious truth while stretching your legs.” — Katya Zamolodchikova
I walked in on my girlfriend sleeping with her personal trainer.
Me: "Ok, this isn't working out."
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?
‘Here Kitty, kitty, kitty’!
The best place on earth to shop for soccer kits is New Jersey.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
What do you call a police officer who plays the drums?
A beat cop.
Why did the Blonde go to Taco Bell? To pay her phone bill.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
There was a Young Lady of Hull,
Who was chased by a virulent bull;
But she seized on a spade,
And called out, 'Who's afraid?'
Which distracted that virulent bull.
Where do flowers recharge? At a power plant!
What do you get when you combine a kangaroo with a donkey?
A Kick-Ass
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
What do you say when you meet a two-headed dinosaur? Hello, hello!
What is a cat’s favorite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
Honda is oldest car make in the world. It was mentioned in the bible!
"And the apostles were all in Accord"
"Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest."
- Professor Irwin Corey
A man has found water while digging in his backyard. For many years, he used the water at home saving tons of money until one day, the water stopped flowing. So he dug a little bit further and found water again and used it for years until it also dried up. This time, he went further, brought a digging machine, and dug a deeper hole until he found water.
Neighbors, annoyed by the noise, called the local sheriff who arrives to check what was happening in the backyard. The sheriff discovering the scene in the backyard says:
"Well, well, well ... What have we got here?"
What type of songs do planets sing?
Nep-Tunes.
I am struggling to carry with this hiking but your great glow has kept me going.
It’s so hot outside I just saw two hobbits throw a ring off my roof.
The chicken farmer died under mysterious circumstances.
The police suspect fowl play.
If a painter ever feels stressed or troubled, they take a vacation to the hills. It will easel their mind!
You were mauled by a gang of squirrels. You want to sue them but no lawyer wants to take your case. Why?
They think you are nuts.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
What does a fish say when he makes a mistake?
It was just a fluke!
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
I just saw a man slumped over a lawn mower crying his eyes out.
he's just going through a rough patch.
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