“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.”
– Betty Reese
Girl, are you the Wuhan Corona Virus?
Because you’re taking my breath away.
I aorta tell you how much I love you.
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
How does a volleyball team welcome their new neighbors? With a block party.
The Scotland football team went to visit an orphanage in Kazakhstan this morning. "It's good to put a smile on the faces of people with no hope, constantly struggling and facing the impossible"
said Anatoly, aged 6.
What did the angry witch do after sitting on her broomstick?
She flew off the handle.
I'm reading a romance book in Braille.
I don't think I'll finish. It's too touchy feely for me.
My lifeguard friend had come back home and wanted to do some work, so I gave him my computer to use. Now I have a screen-saver at my house.
What’s big and grey and wears a mask?
The elephantom of the opera.
If you gave me a penny for my thoughts I’d have just one penny, because i only think about one thing and that’s you.
What is every horses birthday wish?
A stable economy.
During our journey through the savanna grasslands, we kept track of time with the help of an hour-grass.
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
Do you have an inhaler? You took my breath away.
After the rain has cleared and the sun comes out, rainbows are so quick to appear they'll red like wildfire.
Can I get your number? Because I like you a latte.
Q. Which sweet dessert is banned from the menu at the Deer Cafe?
A. Chocolate Moose.
What happened when the orange broke out of prison?
All heck broke juice.
Several epidemics throughout history have many similarities in characteristics.
For example, many diseases evolved from poor hygiene between animals and humans and a rise in urban population and interregional communication. Many had very similar effects and modes of transmission.
Because of the similarities, many historians are looking into allegations of these diseases stealing each other's methods, committing plague-iarism.
Is that an energy bar in your pocket, or are you just happpy to see me?
When the baseball team chose an owl masot, did they get a designated hooter?
What’s a gardener’s favorite type of trousers? Ones with turnips.
Are you ice cream? Because your face looks like rocky road.
Why shouldn't you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
The pun class we attended totally tortoise nothing.
What is a cat’s favorite type of water? Purr-ified!
Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn't find any.
I like telling dad jokes.
Sometimes he laughs.
“Thanksgiving: Bringing out the best in family dysfunction since 1863.” -Unknown
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
You look so sweet that you're giving me a cavity.
“Why did they ask the turkey to join the band? He had the drum sticks.”
What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker
Hop In.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall — hope you do too!
The wolf really needed to talk with the skeleton because he had a bone to pick with him.
What's a bee's favorite novel?
The Great Gats-Bee
What happened when Frankenstein’s monster first met his girlfriend?
It was love at first fright.
"Gray hair is God’s graffiti." – Bill Cosby
I think you’re pretty Stella-r
Is it hot in here, or is that just the Holy Spirit burning in you?
It's so hot, I saw a guy with a sign that said, "Will work for shade."
How do beavers make a bouncy dam? Well, they use spring water.
Did you hear about the incident at the tiger exhibit?
It was a big cat-astrophe
“I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.”
What time does the Wicked Witch have her clocks set to?
Greenwitch Mean Time.
How does a quarter moon always feel?
Crestfallen.
Why did the pig go to the casino?
To play the slop machine!
"Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best."
— Bob Talbert
Go to BabaMail
