Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.
“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.” — Groucho Marx
I can remember where I got married.
I can remember when I got married.
I just can’t remember why.
What do you call a fruity pop star? Katy Peary.
Did you know you can hear the blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
Don’t drop the ball – without you, the party will be incomplete.
A truck carrying Lego got into an accident on the motorway. No one knows what happened; the authorities are still trying to piece everything together.
I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out.
I'm in a right pickle!
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
“I would sooner be prime minister of the moon than run another marathon. I’ve been really lucky. I didn’t have any toenails fall off or anything disgusting like that. I still have all three nipples.”
– Ryan Reynolds, actor
It’s so hot my thermometer goes up to “Are you kidding me?”
What did the librarian say to the beaver who wanted to read a help book? You can try by-rowing it.
What animal has more lives than a cat? A frog … because he croaks every night!
What do you call for injured ants?
The ant-bulance.
Why won’t you ever find a unicorn in the army? Because they don’t like wearing uniforms.
The basketball player sat on the sideline and began sketching pictures of chickens. He was learning how to draw fowls.
The fact that I'm missing some teeth only means that there's more room for your tongue.
From my head tomatoes, I love you bunches.
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing? Au revoir.
How do Greek gods say sorry to one another
"I Apollo-gise"
Mobile phones have been around longer than people think.
I was watching this film the other day and heard Sir Lancelot ask someone to fetch his charger.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
I accidently sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent.
My father got a new laptop, and it is now like the baby computer of the house, so we refer to the older laptop as the 'Data'.
I was reading a story about dragons the other day
It just seemed to DRAG ON and on.
You’re brew-tiful!
Do you want to cosine on a mortgage with me?
The baby crow decided to dress up as his favorite vegetable on Halloween, he dressed up as a caw-liflower.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing? “I’m not a people porcine.”
Forget about watermelons, I heard having a windmelon your property is the best way to get clean and renewable electricity.
“Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.”
George Carlin
How did the horse get up the stairs?
He mounted them.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Hand of the buyer with a piece of cheese in the store
“You can’t have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage worth ethic.” — Zig Ziglar
What did the bear say when he got a joke? He just bear-ly had a chuckle!
If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and leave, it could spell disaster.
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
Mum, you are my soup-er star.
How did dinosaurs clean their teeth?
With flossils.
I met him yesterday, he was on his way to meet the counselor for a peach therapy session.
I had a bet on a giraffe race yesterday but my selection lost.
It was nowhere near winning – it lost by a neck.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
One of my friends who hates crows, looked at a flock of crows, I saw murder in his eyes.
Why do witches fly on broomsticks?
Because vacuum cleaner cords aren’t long enough.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to open the door.
What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave!
Why does bread hate hot weather?
It just feels too toasty.
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
Go to BabaMail
