"Some bunny loves you."
As I lay cozy, all snug in my bed,
I enjoy the imagination inside my head
Until I hear racket beside my bed.
It's my 5:00 alarm!
I quickly silent you, you annoying alarm.
Then we SNOOZE together and let dreams carry on.
Enjoying the peace, then I'll be darned;
It's my 5:15 reminder!
Now I hush the ringing of my reminder.
Ok Alarm, let's put that behind us.
Eyes just shut, but here goes that timer
It's 7:20. I'm late!!!
(By Demecia Dean)
Have you ever had a dream about a bear eating you?
I call them bite-mares.
Why did the alphabet cross the road?
To get from Point A to Point B.
Wondering about a peach's favorite sci-fi novel? It's 'When You Peach Me'.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
Who did the ghost invite to his party? Any old friend he could dig up.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
Thin grippy thick slippery.
What dd the man in the moon do when his hair got too long? Eclipse it.
I once pranked my mom and told her that I had lyme disease
I still had a few ticks up my sleeve
What did the llama say to the grass?
“Nice gnawing you!”
Are you a fairy? Because you are the fulfillment of all my wishes.
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
What do you call a giraffe winning a horse race?
A long shot.
My coffee hasn't kicked in yet, so I can't think of a charming pickup line.
You and I could totally melt my igloo.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice. Nothing he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
[Food Spread] This is the line of scrumptiousness.
Hey baby, are you the Earth? Because all things are attracted to you...
She sells seashells by the seashore.
I love your energy.
Some very good advice strawberries give to their children is to respect their elder-berries.
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
“Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.” —Paula Poundstone
My mom thinks I'm gay, can you help me prove her wrong?
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
Knock Knock
Who's there
Four Eggs
Four Eggs who
Four Eggs ample!
My eye doctor’s office is at the shopping mall.
She’s an Opthemallogist.
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, rolls in the dirt, crosses the road again, and then rolls in the dirt again?
A dirty double-crossing chicken.
What’s a bigamist?
It’s what Italians call a thick fog.
What did the deer say after prancing around a cloning machine for an hour?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
Why did the PowerPoint presentation cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
What do a rabid rabbit and a basketball player have in common?
Mad hops.
What's the difference between a stepping stool and a miniature 3D printer?
The former is a little ladder and the latter is a little former.
Cutting my arms was the best descision I've ever made
Hands down.
There might be other fish in the sea, but you’re my sole mate
A photon is going through airport security. The TSA agent asks if he has any luggage. The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
Why did the insomniac man get arrested? He resisted a rest
What did the female dinosaur call her blouse making business? Try Sara's Tops
These decorations are tree-mendous.
“Think of how stupid the average person is and realize half of them are stupider than that.”
– George Carlin
Why did the portrait artist take a side job as a census taker? Because he was great at canvassing people.
What squeaks as it solves crimes?
Miami mice!
My friend Elmer’s has gotten really good at tennis ever since he stuck to a healthier diet and went glue-ten free.
What kind of salad do termites eat?
House salad
Which HOF defenceman was nicknamed The Gravedigger? Denis Plotvin.
How does a mushroom decorate a home? With toadstools.
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