Girl, you must be a Beatles song, because look at this Long, Long, Long Norwgian Wood.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
You must have been born in an open cluster because you shine as if you were a young star.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
In order to get an accurate count of the herd, the farmer uses a cow-culator.
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted!
Halloween is over. Why are you still dressed as an angel?
Why do vampires seem sick?
They’re always coffin.
What’s the best part of the cell, next to the cytoplasm? The nucle-US.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
Why didn’t the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a common-tater.
I accidently sprayed deoderant in my mouth
Now every time I speak I have a weird Axe Scent.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!
As a nurse, I have a patient who is very rude...
He's ill-mannered.
This is too cliché, dear, but this is what I really feel, I love you to the moon and back.Copy0
Is this room hot or it’s just you?
What do you call a glass of pig’s blood?
Swine.
There was an Old Man of Corfu,
Who never knew what he should do;
So he rushed up and down,
Till the sun made him brown,
That bewildered Old Man of Corfu.
“Feliz navi-dog!”
“Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own.”
—Doug Larson
Where do cats go when they lose their tail? A re-tail store!
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
What is fog's favorite drink? Mountain Dew
Where do kittens learn to move around? On the catwalk
Wayne went to Wales to watch walruses.
Why did Paco's girlfriend not want to kiss him?
She was afraid of the a-Paco-lips.
Kangaroos can grow up to six feet.
Most only grow two.
“It’s bizarre that the [grocery store] produce manager is more important to my children’s health than the pediatrician.”
Unknown
I just went to a fireworks shop and asked for their biggest bomb. They gave me a picture of you
Hey girl, are you gold? Because I'm in Au of your beauty.
"The dumbest people I know are those who Know It All."
– Malcolm Forbes
Two trucks – one carrying strawberries and one carrying sugar – crashed. Drivers didn’t stop, and now the jam is getting thicker.
How do you shoot a three-headed ghoul?
Bang! Bang! Bang!
Why did god invent men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn
What is a pizza’s favorite movie?
Pie hard.
Why do men have 2 heads and women 4 lips? Cause men do all the thinking and women do all the talking.
My fiance is kidding... She's due in 7 months!
There was an Old Man of the East,
Who gave all his children a feast;
But they all ate so much
And their conduct was such
That it killed that Old Man of the East.
What's more amazing than a talking bat? A spelling bee!
What does a frog order in Mcdonald's?
French flies and a diet croak.
“The poor have more children, but the rich have more relatives.” – Unknown
The bag of flour was so confused.He thought that he saw his friend the loaf yeast-erday.
I have a good nature joke but after listening to it, everyone just leaves.
Why does the paparazzi beaver have a camera pointing towards the river? To keep up with current events and give main-stream updates.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
Dancing Queen used to have a lot of profanity in its lyrics, but after computers became common
No-one needed an ABBA cuss
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
“Mountains have a way of dealing with overconfidence.” – Hermann Buhl
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
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