What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
“There’s no such thing as bad weather, just soft people.”
– Bill Bowerman
In the spirit of Easter, I've hidden eggs around the appartment.
In the spirit of April Fools, I'm not telling my roommates.
What's the difference between a cat and a frog? A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!
Oh, sorry I spilled your drink. Can I buy you another?
There was an Old Person of Berlin,
Whose form was uncommonly thin;
Till he once, by mistake,
Was mixed up in a cake,
So they baked that Old Man of Berlin.
What‘s an Italian’s favorite tea?
Spagettea!
What sound does it make when an ogre eats a witch for breakfast?
Snap cackle n' pop
The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade, and a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a “punch.
There was a group of ants that always went on parties together, but one smelled way worse than the others.
He was de odor ant.
What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually SEARCH for a golf ball.
Can’t Lucy how perfect a date with me could be?
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag? They can lighten your load.
When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.
Why do dwarves hunt dragons in the morning?
Because the early beard gets the wyrm.
What do you call a titan that can't swim?
Titanic.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
“SMONDAY: The moment when Sunday stops feeling like a Sunday and the anxiety of Monday kicks in.”
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
An astronaut who normally fails on a weightlessness experiment, might surely be aware of the gravity of the situation.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
The bartender told the ghost they don't serve spirits after midnight.
Which technique does a Gorilla borrow from another animal when it gets romantic? The bear hug!
I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet
I asked my 15 brothers and sisters and they didn’t know either.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
"This isn't easy and neither are you. I'm breaking up with you."
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years at C!
What song was the peach listening to? 'Stronger with Peach Tear'.
What chord does jesus play on guitar?
Gsus
I enjoy your company and the silence in between our yoga mats.
What do you get if cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?
A turtle-neck jumper.
Do you comma here often?
Went to a German restaurant. The beer was fine,
But their sausage was the wurst!
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
Who is a potato’s favorite author? Edgar Allen Poe-tato.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
Asked the librarian rather loudly for the wifi password. He said "Sshhhhhh!" I asked "is that all lower case?"
You know what it's called when you hurry to develop a vaccine?
... Russian.
Me without you is like a sneaker without laces.
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
Why do giraffes have long necks?
Because their feet smell.
What is the color of the wind? Blew!
Q. Where did the gorilla like to go sailing?
A. The Chimpan-Sea
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