I think we'd grow a great organic garden together.
What do you call a boy swimming at the beach?
Buoyancy.
Do you find bone puns humerus?
What happens when Bigfoot gets lost in the fog?
He is mist!
Why did the deer get braces?
He had buck teeth.
‘Tis the sea-sun to be jolly.
I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.
Look like we've got a long wait here in the check-out line, so why don't we get acquainted.
What is a frustrated mother’s favorite month?
I SAID NO-vember.
"Beat it." — Michael Jackson, "Beat It"
You know, I didn't kiss my wife until I was married...
because she wasn't my wife until we were married.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
What did the parmesan say when it broke up with the mozzarella?
Sorry but I am too mature for you.
What is at the end of a rainbow?
The letter W.
What is a female "Douchebag" in France called??
A douche-baguette.
Are you Australian? Because you meet all of my koala-fications.
I guess you could say that things hit by tornado's are blown up.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
"As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife."
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport?
Plane chocolate
I really like corn, but I can't find it because this time of year it's never in stalk
What's more amazing than a talking bat? A spelling bee!
The barista may have forgotten your name... but I sure haven't.
What kind of writer did the ghost hire to write his biography? A ghostwriter, duh.
Were you forged in the fires of Mount Doom? Because you're precious to me.
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
What does a nosey pepper do?
Gets jalapeno business!
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
Prime-Mates!
Which bug always crosses the road?
A beetle.
"A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first."
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
A pretty lady wasn't on my shopping list but I can be spontaneous.
What do you say when you meet a two-headed dinosaur? Hello, hello!
“Having a baby dragged me, kicking and screaming, from the world of self-absorption.”
- Paul Reiser.
Why are alligators long and green?
Because if they were small and red, they would be tomatoes.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
What is E.T. short for?
So he can fit in his little spaceship.
Why did the bunny build herself a new house? She was fed up with the hole thing!
Are you spaghetti? I want to put sauce on you.
"The Crocodile"
How doth the little crocodile
Improve his shining tail,
And pour the waters of the Nile
On every golden scale!
How cheerfully he seems to grin,
How neatly spreads his claws,
And welcomes little fishes in,
With gently smiling jaws!
– Lewis Carroll
Sometimes, all you need is to shake a few trees to find the perfect peach for you.
Does your sport shop stock short socks with spots?
Ravens fans are so tough....they hang out in crowbars.
Working as a dock hand is hard,
but it's wharf it.
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
What does Santa Claus say when he flies through a rainbow? Hue hue hue, merry Christmas!
Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa exactly what I want for Christmas?
Soft fruits make really supportive parents. Whenever their youngsters fail at something, they just smile and say “Have another bite at the cherry.”
“There are more airplanes in the water than there are submarines in the sky.”
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