The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
What do you call a small mosque in Spain?
A mosquito!
Roses are red, violets are blue, with you in my head, this cow goes moooo.
“A new survey found that 80 percent of men claim they help cook Thanksgiving dinner. Which makes sense when you hear them consider saying ‘that smells good’ to be helping.” —Jimmy Fallon
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
What’s the biggest difference between Thanksgiving and April Fool’s Day?
On one you’re thankful but on the other you’re prankful.
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in the mattress? They got married in the spring.
A lot of William Shakespeare’s plays were based off of old Greek and Roman performances
That's playgarism if you ask me.
What is a favorite game for ghouls?
Chase!
What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
Wife: "I'm pregnant."
Me: "Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad."
Wife: "No you're not."
What is most gorillas' favorite book to study in English class at high school?
The Apes Of Wrath.
There was a Young Lady of Clare,
Who was sadly pursued by a bear;
When she found she was tired,
She abruptly expired,
That unfortunate Lady of Clare.
The sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick.
It's cold and rainy on Halloween
Where monsters and goblins are always seen
They're at my door asking for sweets
But they don't want tricks only treats
I could close my door but that would be mean.
Why don't matches play baseball?
Because one strike, and they're out.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
I have been saying "mucho" more often while talking to my Hispanic friends
It means a lot to them.
I was sitting drinking coffee in my slippers this morning, when I thought to myself...
I really need to wash some mugs.
It's okay password...
...I'm insecure too...
What’s a skeletons favorite wrestling event?
A rib cage match.
"They say good things take time, so that’s why I’m always late."
I was calling the hospital, but it seems they were busy. The picked up the phone and said,
"Urology department, can you hold?"
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
Why do seals have trouble eating bread?
Because they're seal-iacs.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Thanks for all the sediment.
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
Made a whole bunch of dad jokes at Thanksgiving dinner...
I pulled out all the Pops!
"Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?"
A couple is lying in bed.
The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you."
Why do accountants make good lovers?
They're great with figures.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
Why was the slice of bread upset with her husband?
He told her she was being too kneady.
What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.
What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!
You're like my favorite candy bar, half sweet, half nuts.
What does a volleyball player do when they go to prom? They spike the punch.
You heard about the Spanish woman that is now a man?
He’s called Senor Rita.
I am really broth-taking when I see the signer vomiting soup.
What kind of underwear do monkeys wear?
Chimpantsies.
My father is so cheap...
When we go to bed he unplugs the clocks.
What is a witch's favorite ride at the fair?
A scary-go-round.
Why did Van Gogh become a painter? Because he just didn't have an ear for music.
Did you hear about the broadcasters in the aeroplane?
They're on air now
What happens to Germans when they eat too many lemons?
They become sour krauts.
You must put a lot of spices in your food because you look smoking hot.
What do athletes drink before games? Sport-Tea.
Go to BabaMail
