If you have a parrot, it says a lot about you!
A beaver's experience in college deep-ends on if they go to the best university.
What makes your mouth sad?
A tongue depressor.
It’s so hot I set the house on fire just to cool off.
You must be a keyboard. Because you're just my type.
You are really talented. You should join a punk-croc band.
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
I think you're barbe-cute.
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
Why is the moon a wanted criminal?
It’s constantly mooning people.
Why was the old computer sad?
Because it had a floppy disk.
What do you call a married man vacuuming? Doing what he's told...
You're the sinoatrial node of my heart. Without you, even a defibrillator won't save me.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
I'm not anti-social.
I'm just not user friendly.
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?
Camembert.
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
I'll make love to you if you want me to.
“You are one yoga class away from a good mood.” – Unknown
“Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” - Natasha Leggero
We've reached the point of snow return.
“Summer vacation: where you drink triple, see double and act single.”
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill
Baby you be the tree and I'll wrap around you like a koala bear.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
"Scorpios are powerful creatures who demand equally potent cocktails."
— Aliza Kelly
"So… Do you like cheese?"
- Duke, She’s The Man (2006)
What is a computer's favorite animal?
A RAM.
How does a penguin build it’s house?
Igloos it together.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain
because of the indoor fins.
Why did the little birdie go to the hospital?
To get tweetment.
Q: Doctor, I keep hearing a ringing sound.
A: Then answer the phone!
On a lazy laser raiser lies a laser ray eraser.
I have inner beauty.
And I have the video from my colonoscopy to prove it.
I am happy that the arrangements for St Patrick's day are going great. The large bottles of green soda look pitcher-perfect.
What do dehydrated alligators drink?
Gatorade.
What animal could Noah not trust?
Cheetah
“The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money"
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because all of the cows have horns
What do you get for diving into a wave of oranges.
Vitamin Sea.
"I will never break up with my gym. We just seem to workout."
- Unknown.
“I need to get up; my coffee needs me.”
— Unknown
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
So how many cats do you have?
Flat-Earthers hate the fact our planet is spherical, whereas Asgard is flat.
It's a Thor subject for them.
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
Go to BabaMail
