I was drinking my milkshake on a cliff and I thought to myself...
Wow, this is ledge ‘n dairy.
Are there any funny red wine puns at BabaMail Jokes?
You bet Shiraz there are!
What do you call it when dress up like a cowboy?
Ranch dressing
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
Man: Your face must turn a few heads!
Woman: And your face must turn a few stomachs!
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Crows love Cawnie Chung, their favorite reporter.
Why are spiders such great volleyball players? Because they have an amazing topspin.
What do you do with a green ghoul?
Wait until it ripens!
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna1, Anna2
My 4 yr Old son said "Daddy, why do people make up things that their children have said for social media?
Isn't it just inherently dishonest and indicative of inability to construct a compelling narrative themselves? "
“I'm always in a bad mood on Monday morning. It makes me hate everything for no reason whatsoever.”
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
A truck with an entire load of strawberries has crashed on the motorway. It's caused a real traffic jam.
What’s your sign? Mine is stop.
When I got home last night my wife demanded that I 'take her somewhere expensive'...
So I took her to a petrol station.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
Some call them opponents. We call them victims. It sounds like you have the right mindset to succeed on the court!
Knock, knock
Who’s There?
Annie
Annie Who?
Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
Christmas has me feeling extra Santa-mental.
“You can’t have Thanksgiving without turkey. That’s like Fourth of July without apple pie or Friday with no two pizzas.” —Joey Tribbiani, Friends
What is a Ghost’s favourite film? Paranormal Activity.
What do you get if you cross a talking parrot with a gorilla?
I am not sure but if he says something you better damn well listen.
Can’t Lucy how perfect a date with me could be?
This Halloween I'm gourd out of my mind!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Les
Les who?
Les go out for a picnic!
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
Finally, the call came in and the orange was informed by the person on the other end of the line that the company had orange-d an interview for the following day.
Son: Hey dad, I stole a peach from the grocery store today.
Dad: Why?
Son: I don’t know, but I feel guilty. It’s a real pit in my stomach.
I was worried you’d just be a pretty face, but Olivia looks real good to me
Are you a customs agent? I feel like I need to declare my love to you.
How would you describe a pun about a pun?
They're pun-ishingly bad!
Can February march?
No, but April may.
The soup that my mom made for dinner healed my flu in a day. It was almost soup-er natural.
The sun must be jealous of you because you are so hot.
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child.
Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."
Little Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?
Mice cream and cake!
My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower.
The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
What does a bee do when it is extremely hot?
It takes off its yellow jacket!
What did 0 say to 8? I like your belt!
Please stop making jokes about little people
How would you feel if a bunch of giants made jokes about you?
What do we call two thousand pounds of Chinese soup? It is called won – ton!
I only have ice for you.
Hannibal crossed the Alps because it was safer than crossing the elephants.
In Quebec they used to practise throwing the puck in the zone, and then
sitting back to wait for a turnover. But eventually the players were
criticized for this dump-and-chaise tactic.
Whenever my wife is upset I let her color in my black and white tattoos
She just really needed a shoulder to crayon
Why couldn't the mathematician cross the road?
Because he kept trying to half the distance.
My friend can't afford expensive art, she has no Monet.
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