I knew I shouldn't have had the sea food.
I'm feeling a little eel.
My son and I went camping yesterday and when he asked me how to start a campfire, I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same..."
"Then you’ll have a match."
What do you get when you put a bomb in a dinosaur? Dino-mite.
You really mermaid my day.
There was a minimum of cinnamon in the aluminium pan.
What do you call seasoned and dried robot meat?
Beep chirpy
Singing Sammy sung songs on sinking sand.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
“To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.”—Ogden Nash.
How do pigs greet their family and friends?
With hogs and kisses.
I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine - I only get better with age.
The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was too tired..
“Let a man walk ten miles steadily on a hot summer’s day along a dusty English road, and he will soon discover why beer was invented.”
- Gilbert K. Chesterton
What do you call 144 kangaroos in a box?
Gross.
The navy is now taking dogs along on their submarines
They're subwoofers
How did the aliens hurt the farmer?
They trod on his corn.
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
What did the salt say when the phosphate asked to bond with it?
"NaCl ater."
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
Did you hear about the suicidal homeopath? He took 1/50th of the recommended dose.
Isn’t having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
Unlike peaches, nectarines don't have any fuzz, because they suffer from Alo-peach-ea.
On Mother's Day we went strawberry picking and made a jam from the fruits of our labor.
We all know that the New England Patriots have their soup in the Super Bowl.
I like books, you like books, why don't we start writing the story of us?
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
"The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office."
~ George Bernard Shaw
Can I call you pia mater? Cause you’re always on my mind.
I am terrified of people who urinate quietly.
After all, all psychos have a silent p.
Knock knock. Who's there?
You're.
You're who?
You're single again.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
Your beauty is like Pi, never-ending.
What are the best kind of flowers to get your girlfriend after screwing up?
Whoopsie Daisies
What kind of car does a sheep drive?
A LAMBorghini
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Spain!
Spain who?
Spain to have to keep knocking on this door!
What hotel do cheese lover’s stay in?
The Stilton.
I saw a beaver and I thought it was odd. Then I saw another semiaquatic creature and I thought it was otter.
"Fun"
I love to hear a lobster laugh,
Or see a turtle wiggle,
Or poke a hippopotamus
And see the monster giggle,
Or even stand around at night
And watch the mountains wriggle.
– Leroy F. Jackson
Ever hear about the computer programmer who moved to Mexico?
He wanted to be a Señor developer.
The main difference between the weather and a horse is that one rains down while the other is reined up.
I’m directing a play about a boy who broke his arm.
You should see the cast.
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple !
It’s so cold a glacier was seen heading slowly down the main street of our town.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
How do ghosts wash their hair? Sham-boo.
You know you’re getting old when…
You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
What do mosquitoes and relatives have in common?
They both share your blood.
I aorta tell you how much I love you.
Go to BabaMail
