Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
Thanksgiving is over… Want to watch Christmas movies and chill?
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
Why go to the beach? I’d rather be by the ski-side.
Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night?
Clubbing.
What caused the airline to go bankrupt? Runway inflation.
I heard they sent a beer into space, destined to leave the solar system. They called it Interstella Artois.
What kind of fish do you catch with Gummy Worms?
Swedish Fish.
I like my girls like I like my Microsoft Word documents - Saved.
Are you a red light because stop.
The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.Someone got hurt from a fistful of grass thrown at them with force. When they pressed charges, the cops charged the culprit with physical grass-ault.
You snow the drill.
I forgot to pay my colonoscopy bill.
Now I’m in arrears.
"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?"
Are you an exception? I bet I can catch you.
“I only go to yoga to drink wine, so I’m good. I just throw the calories right back in.” – Kaley Cuoco
What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
When you go to the wolf hotel just around the corner, you will meet this huge, moustached wolf who always says, “howl may I help you?” as if he has no other words to us!
Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you're CuTe.
I have a hiking playlist with songs from the Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem. I call it my trail mix.
Who is a ghoul’s favorite family member?
Mummy!
There was an Old Man of Moldavia,
Who had the most curious behaviour;
For while he was able,
He slept on a table.
That funny Old Man of Moldavia.
"What does the letter "A" have in common with a flower?
They both have bees coming after them."
- Kim Roblin
"Your sweat is your fat crying. Keep it up."
From a runner's T-shirt
"Never trust a skinny cook."
– Iain Hewitson
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
"A change of latitude would help my attitude."
At a get-together, one fruit asked another "I was wondering how have you been". The other replied "Just peachy, isn't that grape?"
“If there are ice cream trucks in the summer then why aren’t there Starbucks trucks in the winter?”
What's a redneck's favorite beer?
An open one.
I'm doing yoga tonight but I rather be doing you.
“Always hike with someone in worse shape than you. The bears out there will know.”
What was the donut’s least favorite part of its day?
I’m not really sure; it glazed over that part.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
What do you get when you combine a joke with a rhetorical question?
What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
I prefer the new system to reviewing line calls. When Hawk-eye came around, I breathed a big Cy-clops of relief.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
What are the benefits of city buses using green fuel? They’ll always be on thyme.
What do you call a negative fog?
A pessimist.
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
There's a German butcher around the corner from the hospital.
Just in case someone takes a turn for a wurst.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I’m missing half of my heart and so are you.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Who is the first farmer to walk on the moon?
Neil Farmstrong.
The ghost scared all the boys who ventured into the haunted house and then varnished into the almirah!
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
“Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway.”
Greg Tamblyn
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