I work at an Ink company in Spain. Yesterday I held a Competition about our company’s history. But looks like no one wanted to be a part of the
Spanish Ink Quiz Session.
The hotdog severely fell behind in school which is why he has to ketchup.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Toucan.
Toucan who?
Toucan play at that game!
Love the beach. Can I be any more Pacific?
Q. Why doesn't a big gorilla have to flush the toilet?
A. He scares the sh*t out of it!
If you're wondering if someone's become a vampire, there's an easy way to tell. A true vampire is always coffin.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
What do you call a penguin in a shell suit?
An egg.
There’s a new movie out called “The Truck.” I’ve seen the trailer, it looks great.
I just went to a fireworks shop and asked for their biggest bomb. They gave me a picture of you
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
I decided to try growing pot...
So I buried a saucepan in my yard. I hear it takes no skillet all.
I told my mother moose were falling from the sky.
She said, "It's reindeer."
What do you call it when cephalopods start becoming more strict about things?
Kraken down.
How many worms does it take to eat a zombie?
It depends on the size of the zombie!
"If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars." ~ J. Paul Getty
What do you get when you cross a parrot with a shark?
An animal that talks your head off.
Did you hear the one about the pianist convention?
They had a few keynote speakers
What do you call a dog that likes to dig up bones?
A barkeologist.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
I saw you on Spotify so thought to text you. You were in the hottest singles this week.
My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...
"Swarm."
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
What kind of donuts fly? Plain ones!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To bock traffic.
What should you drink before you workout? Sweat-Tea.
What do you call a guy who can't stop running along the beach?
Joggernaut.
A weeping camel is known as a humpback wail.
Why did it take the teen pig so long to get ready for school in the morning?
She was very piggy when it comes to choosing what to wear!
I saved a tiny baby crow and now he won't leave, I guess you could say he's mi-cro.
You’re the only (cutie) pie I need.
You're such a TEAse.
Can you explain why your neighbor’s yard is so messy and overgrown?
“We’d never.”
What you call the Ghost of a Chicken? Poultry-geist.
"I'd walk through fire for my best friend. Well, not fire, that would be dangerous. But a super humid room... but not too humid because, you know... my hair."
— Unknown
I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.
“Until you’ve learned to drive, you’ve never really learned how to swear.”
— Robert Paul
What do teachers drink at school? Facul-Tea.
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
How do you impregnate a submarine?
Fill it with seamen.
"I want to live in the world where searching for plane tickets burns calories."
What are the four seasons?
Salt, Pepper, Sugar and Flour.
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Do you know the band 1023 megabytes?
They haven't had a gig yet.
The only ship that has never docked on their harbor is the premiership.
Why did the farmer feed his pigs a mixture of sugar, vinegar, and soy sauce? He wanted sweet and sour pork.
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese
Why can’t a group of skeletons ever get anything done?
It’s a skeleton crew.
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