I found out yesterday that the Mexican dish ghosts like the most is a boo-ritto.
I know that 70% of the human body is composed of H2O, but the tall drink of water I'm looking at is probably 97%.
A police officer just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous. My dogs don’t even own bikes.
Why are flamingos the happiest birds? They live with no reggrets.
I hate it when I run out of bread for breakfast. I am lack-toast intolerant.
When the mama peach found out that his child had failed his class, she was s-peach-less.
So, what do you turn into at midnight?
The artist was great. He could always draw a crowd.
Join us for plenty of play action.
The two of us go perfectly together like hydrogen and oxygen.
Why do people in Greece not wake up until noon?
Because Dawn is tough on greece.
When is it okay to Love thy neighbor? When her husband is away on business.
Roses should learn what it means to be perfect from you.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
Nice wrapping but I need to inspect it.
"Granddad's Got Hair"
Granddad's got hair on his fingers,
Hair on his toes,
Hair in his ears,
Hair up his nose.
His chest has got more hair than a coarse front door mat.
His back has got more hair than next door's tom cat.
Granddad's head is silky and smooth,
Not a solitary bristle.
Smooth as a baby's bum,
Clean as a whistle.
Some say a snooker ball has got more hair,
But his beard hides a smile that says, "I just don't care."
– Graham Craven
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
What do you get when you cross two fish with two elephants?
A pair of swimming trunks.
What do you call a man in the ocean with no arms and no legs? Bob.
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.”
Will Ferrell
Why do Ghosts avoid the rain? It dampens their spirits.
Rebel without a Claus.
What did they use to set off the amazon warehouse fire?
Amazon kindle.
I hate scuba diving.
It was the lowest moment of my life.
What do you call a pig who can’t mind his own business?
A nosey porker!
He is a humble husband. Unlike others, he never blows his crumpet after making breakfast for his wife everyday.
“Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” — Rita Rudner
"Let's get fizzical. Pass the prosecco."
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
I’m feeling a little blue, do you think you could help al-Levi-ate my pain with a good date?
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
Your hold on my heart is perennial, I’ll keep coming back always.
What do you have to know to teach a bat tricks?
More than a bat.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
When his driving had gotten bizarre
Grandpa’s kids tossed his keys very far
So he hitched into town
Laid some good money down
And then simply brought home a new car.
How does a pineapple answer the phone? “Yel-low?”
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
What fruit do vampire bats like the best?
Neck-tarines.
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.
Hey summer, long time no sea!
Why couldn't the skeleton play football?
He didn't have the guts.
I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.
Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.
What group of people do cops target the most?
Criminals.
Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
Did you hear about the ocean and sea having a baby?
It was a buoy!
You're hotter than the London Underground during rush hour.
“Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can’t see.”
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
Go to BabaMail
