Do you like sales? Because if you're looking for a good one, clothing is 100% off at my place.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
What’s a whale’s favorite meal?
Fish and ships.
Man: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
Woman: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.
"The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again."
Erma Bombeck
How do men define a "50/50" relationship? We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
Hey girl, are you a Sharpie? Cause you are Ultra Fine.
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
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What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
When you cross a plane and a snake, you will end up with a Boeing Constrictor.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
Which bug always crosses the road?
A beetle.
"Personally, I like people who peach on time, and are always punctual," said the strawberry.
Q: How do you store water?
A: Cloud storage.
My d**k is committed to you, but my heart is not.
"I like the parts of your face that are covered with skin."
- Anchorman 2 (2013)
How do pink birds make friends? They fla-mingle.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
How good is a Coney Island gyro? Feta than se*.
What world-famous rock group has four guys that don't even sing? Mount Rushmore.
"I'm not a stop along the way. I'm a destination."
- Gossip Girl
What did one pig say to the other?
Let’s be pen pals.
What do you call a Sith Lord who likes to go fishing? Darth Wader.
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
Man: "If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together."
Woman: "They got it right the first time with the N and O."
What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
“This is the first year I’m not going to Fiji because of COVID-19. Normally, I do not go because I am poor.”
— Brooke Miller
There was an Old Man who said, 'Hush!
I perceive a young bird in this bush!'
When they said, 'Is it small?'
He replied, 'Not at all!
It is four times as big as the bush!'
Why do gorillas have really big fingers?
Because they have really big nostrils!
It's so cold that you might have to chop up the piano for firewood (although you’ll only get two chords).
What do you call Santa when he accidentally falls into the fireplace? Krisp Kringle.
What does a volleyball player do when they go to prom? They spike the punch.
When you tip the ketchup bottle,
First will come a little, then a lot'll.
The oranges have great eyesight because they always keep their eyes peeled.
Why does the lettuce always win the bodybuilding competition?
Cuz it starts a head and is usually shredded.
Did you hear about the football player with the dirty mouth?
Yeah. He was an offensive lineman.
“When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”
Erma Bombeck
My love for you burns stronger than my urinary tract infection.
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
I like kittens, YEAH!
They are really fluffy, YEAH!
OMG KITTENS.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
What kind of bee makes milk?
A Boobie!
My love for you is like diarrhea. I just can't hold it in.
Q. Who walks around the suburbs trying to sell venison meat?
A. A deer-to-door salesmant.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
Did you hear about the ghoul who had eight arms?
He was very handy!
How long have I loved you? I’ve lost track.
This special peach school is for those Peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
Go to BabaMail
