Back in the early 2010s, the peach children loved to flock around to listen to Peach Pit.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
Harambe wasn’t only one of the best gorillas I’ve ever met...
He was also a great ape.
Which monster did the three bears catch sleeping?
Ghouldilocks!
I’m not being obtuse, you are acute girl.
"Whenever I See"
Whenever I see your eyes
There is something that I feel
You look so sleepy
As a bear after a meal.
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.”
- Gracie Allen
In Ireland, they really like to ham it up.
My boss brought bagels for breakfast and asked me which one I wanted. I said "give me one of the Spanish bagels". He responded " One of the Spanish Bagels?"
"Ay poppy."
Are you a corn farmer? Because I'm stalking you
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
What’s a bigamist?
It’s what Italians call a thick fog.
"It sounds plausible enough tonight, but wait until tomorrow. Wait for the common sense of the morning."
— H.G. Wells
My brother, who is an IT guy, got surgery done on his fingers. Now he can truly be called a tech-knuckle support guy.
Pugs and kisses.
Your beauty warms and lights up these frozen surroundings.
I'm acorn-y person.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
What did the lightning strike survivor say when interviewed?
"It was shockingly powerful. Like, it really Hertz"
A ship load of red paint crashed into a ship load of blue paint. The crews were marooned.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” —Franklin P. Adams
The artist thought she was all that and pen some.
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.
Which makes me an eighth theist.
I feel like we're in tune
You're a good egg.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Why did the Gorilla fail its exam? He didn't have the ape-titude.
The Queen of the Nile was said to always show a bit of leg...
but Nefertiti.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
Whenever the peach father gets mad at his son, he just screams loudly: “You are the son of a peach!”
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
Some might buy you candy
Some might buy you flowers
Some might think it dandy
To dance below rain showers
But I think that the best way
To show you that I care
Is just to share a Sunday
Clad in our underwear!
“You don’t have to be crazy to be my friend. I’ll train you.”
— Unknown
Every time I passed a ring-shaped coral reef with a coral rim that encircles a lagoon, I had to pay a fee. It was atoll.
What do you call a large colorful pile of leaves?
The Great Barrier Leaf.
You mermaid to go far.
I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot.
It caused immense pain to ma toes.
Why don’t skeletons do well at sports?
Because they have no skin in the game!
Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
Want to show me how to make steamy greens?
What do alligators call human children?
Appetizers.
Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
I'm considering becoming a cinematografur.
Hey son, do you know why the pilgrims ate biscuits at the first Thanksgiving?
Because they had a boatload of May-flour.
Do you like bananas or blueberries?
I want to know what kind of pancakes to make in the morning.
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