What did Dr.Frankenstein say when his monster spat on him?
It’s saliva!
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
What do we call the basketball team that won the donuts championships? – dunkin donuts.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Why wouldn’t the Moon come to the Sun’s funeral?
It isn’t a mourning person
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
I'm from the Outback and I'd like to take you out back.
What has 36 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? My zipper.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
During the contribution’s session, the mushroom family never gave a lot. They were just two spore.
Do you have a jersey? Because I need your name and number.
You’re as sweet as a flower, and not a daisy goes by when I don’t think of you.
What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
You must be related to Nikola Tesla because you're electrifying.
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
What do you say when your horse proposes to your other horse?
Call the marrier!
I don't mean to brag, but I'm one of the fastest speed-readers in the tri-county area.
A slimey snake slithered down the sandy sahara.
Whenever fall arrives, leaves start changing their color autumn-matically.
At every party there are two kinds of people: Those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Mary
Mary who?
Mary Christmas!
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and by then it was too late.
Max Kaufman
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.”
Sammie
Where does fog go to the bathroom?
Anywhere it wants.
What's a doctor hope to gain from a urine test?
Whizdom
Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
I quit my job as a scuba diving instructor after my first day at work.
Deep down I realized it wasn’t for me.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Why didn't the ghost dance at the party? He had no body to dance with.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
I once pranked my mom and told her that I had lyme disease
I still had a few ticks up my sleeve
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
You can bet on firemen at the beach.
It's a shore-fire thing.
Where did Noah keep his bees? In his archive.
Roses are green,
Violets are blue,
I’m colorblind.
What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia?
A hamster
Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in New York?
Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.
My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
I Schwepped her off her feet.
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face?
A mouse-tache!
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
Ever wonder what's happening under Orion's belt?
Saw what I thought was a large dog coloring Easter eggs.
Turned out to be a dyer wolf.
“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
Go to BabaMail
