How do mares keep track of their boyfriends?
A stud book.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
The tiger asked his longtime friend, "Will you be my tigerlfriend."
Are you doing Ananda Balasana, or are you just happy to see me, baby?
How does spider man always come up with such clever comebacks?
Because with great power, comes great response ability.
Can I hold your hand?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Broccoli.
Broccoli who?
Broccoli doesn't have a last name, silly.
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
Why did the beaver refuse to laugh at any of the twig's jokes? He is not a big fan of dry humor.
My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.
We now call him Dr. Awkward.
Two detectives interrogate a 37 year old mute man. The detectives give the man a notepad which he scribbles on for a few seconds, and hands back to them.
"I'll never talk."
How does Toucan Sam wear a belt?
He puts it through his loops
Beach, please.
Why did the ski instructor's love life always go downhill? The first thing the ladies noticed about him was his giant slalom.
What’s the super-confusing way that pigs say I love you? “I a-boar-you.”
Did you know there are exactly 239 beans in Irish stew?
Any more and it would be two farty...
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"I like long romantic walks down every aisle at Target." - Unknown
Q: Why does the cherry have a hard time getting along with others?
A: It has crust issues.
A man was once offended
By a pun writing contest he entered
He submitted ten
Sure that one would win
But alas no pun in ten did.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
I was thinking whether I should write you or not.. but honestly, there isn’t Hannah-other better choice than to
How did the shark plead in the murder case?
Not gill-ty.
“Summer is the annual permission slip to be lazy.”
– Regina Brett
On Valentine's Day, the peach said to his wife, "You will always have a peach of my heart!"
The big black bug bit the big black bear,
but the big black bear bit the big black bug back!
The word says "Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry."
How about dinner?
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream.”
Bill Murray
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
HIJKLMNO is the formula for water
H to O.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
The only difference between time and a ball hog is that the former passes.
Go with me and you'll be (Mg,Fe)7Si8O22(OH)2.
Why do action potentials make good volleyball players?
They are always spiking.
Why don't murderers often attend tea parties?
They prefer a casual tea.
My friend exports the lilikoi fruit...
He says it’s his passion.
That’s not my age; it’s just not true.
My heart is young; the time just flew.
I’m staring at this strange old face,
And someone else is in my place!
"I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home." – Robert Orben
Hey, do you still remember me? Oh, that’s right. We only met in my dreams.
What did the artist say to his old friend? Let's clay in touch.
Why did the run-on sentence think it was pregnant? Its period was late.
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
These puns are turtle-y hilarious.
Why do cats not laugh at jokes? They take things too litter-ally.
Girl, you and me are like loaves and fishes. Together we might be a miracle.
Dracula decided it was time to give his son "the talk"
Dracula: "You see, when two monsters love each other very much, they-"
Son: "They do the mash."
Dracula: *nodding* "They do the monster mash."
Which Nordique great has recurring ligament problems? Peter Spaz-knee!
"The main point of a cruise is to eat until you weigh the same as the boat."
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