I'm giving away my legless parrot, no perches necessary!
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
When Papa red wanted to have some toppings on his bread, he told Son red, "Pass me the crimson!"
What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use? A dino-saw!
"Did you hear how the baker proposed to his girlfriend?"
"Yeah, he told her he loafed her more than life itself"
"No, he actually told her how much he kneaded her"
Why did the Catholic priest get sent to jail?
Tax evasion.
Building Inspectors should be stricter in Pisa, Italy.
Since they are a bit too *lean*ient.
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
And the collective nouns go: a murder of crows, a herd of cows, a migraine of children.
Hey there cyclist, do you need to use my pump?
Why can't inmates read a clock? Because it's hard time.
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
Dear Algebra, stop asking us to find your X, she's not coming back, and no we don't know Y.
I love you I love you
I do
I’ll play the kazoo
I may not be good
It may be too loud
I love you I love you
I’ll dance a jig
I may miss a step
or fall on my pig
I love you I love you
I do
even if this poem isn’t cool
Are you a campfire? Cause you are hot and I want s’more.
"Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them."
- Bill Maher
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
What's the difference between Hummus and Humus?
"mmmm"
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
I tried asking some beavers to help me build my house. They didn’t give a dam.
What do you get if cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?
A turtle-neck jumper.
Have you heard of the tallest tower in France?
It’s a real Eiffel.
You’re so stunning even the Language Police are speechless.
There are lots of funny jokes about mushrooms that can give you stitches. However, you need to be patient enough because they need time to grow on you.
Sorry I've been following you...
But my parents told me to chase my dreams.
I told my friend I was attacked by a shark.
He said, "Did you punch it on the nose?"
I said, "No, it just attacked me for no reason."
If you go out with me, I promise I won’t take you for granite.
“Whenever I travel with my 4 young kids I always forget something. Like how stupid it is to travel with 4 young kids.”
– Jim Gaffigan
“Having a baby dragged me, kicking and screaming, from the world of self-absorption.”
- Paul Reiser.
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Piiig
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
If we raced, I would let you win, so I could get a good view from the back.
Allow me to synapse with you, and we shall store the most wonderful of memories.
“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree." - Steven Alexander Wright
I like my coffee like I like my men: either tall or with a confusing Italian name.
Did you hear about the butcher who sat on his bacon slicer?
He got a little behind in his deliveries.
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
What does a frog order in Mcdonald's?
French flies and a diet croak.
How does herpes get out of the hospital ?
On crotches.
If you were a function, then you’d be my asymptote ’cause I always tend toward you!
How does a blonde kill a worm?
She buries it.
“Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans. It is lovely to be silly at the right moment.”
- Horace
You are really talented. You should join a punk-croc band.
Did you hear about the colorful sea cow?
Oh the hue-manatee!!!
I knew this gambler.
He bet it all on a bluff.
He is now homeless.
What do you call a bat with ebola? African batman.
A friend of mine is his team's best footballer on paper. Unfortunately, they play most of their games on grass.
How do elephants bathe?
With their trunks on.
Go to BabaMail
