What do you call a really cold, young werewolf?
A pupsicle.
If you understand, say "understand".
If you don't understand, say "don't understand".
But if you understand and say "don't understand".
how do I understand that you understand. Understand!?
This morning I saw a beautiful flower, and thought of you.
What do you call a baker whose parents are siblings?
Inbred.
What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Sneakers.
I saw you and I pictured us as swans, we could mate for life.
What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son? If your papa could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
What did the phone say to the radio when they met for a date?
This is AUXhilarating
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
I just broke my wife’s favorite perfume bottle, she’s gonna be fuming!
How Rudolf you to say that!
Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween?
The witches sweep the sky.
What keeps ghouls happy?
The knowledge that every shroud has a silver lining!
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
How does the man help clean the house? Raising the feet, for the woman to pass the vacuum cleaner on the carpet.
A friend of mine told me he’d give me a radio that had no batteries. I think it’s a wind-up.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
I got a parking ticket today and my husband just laughed.
He thought it was a fine joke.
What dinosaur is always sad? Cryalotosaurus
You make me wanna go inside your wine cabinet and pull myself out a stiff one.
"That was a howling adventure!" said the werewolf to the zombie.
What do bread kids say during hide-and-seek?
Bready or not, here I crumb!
I heard your beauty inspired an artistic movement called "perfectionism".
Roses are red
Violets are blue
He’s in love with me,
And not exactly for you.
And if you take my place,
I’ll take my plate and smash your face.
(Unknown)
“The easiest way to teach children the value of money is to borrow some from them." — Anonymous
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
What is a monster's favorite food? Ghoul scout cookies.
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
What do you call a royal giraffe?
Your highness.
What was the shark’s favorite Tim Burton film?
Edward Scissorfins.
When does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain?
Hi, Cliff!
How many knees do men really have? 3 - right knee, left knee and their wee-knee.
You don’t look like such a proper noun to me.
“The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches."
~ Bove’s Theorem
Yo momma’s so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.
Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet
Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? It never came out.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
Why are Siberian tigers so happy at Christmas time? Because it is snowy, and they get to look like white tigers.
If you’re looking for potato puns, you can count on me to chip in.
What's the difference between an owl and an Irish funeral?
One's awake in the night and the other's a wake in the day.
"People drink on cruises so that they think the swaying is normal."
I don't think I need a spine.
It's holding me back.
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