What does a millennial cowboy say?
Yeet Haw!
Baby, the Millennium Falcon isn't the only thing that does it in less than 12 parsecs.
How much does a corn flake weigh?
1 Kelloggram.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
What do you call an outlaw goat?
Billy the Kid.
You're so beautiful; your birthday should be a national holiday.
“I am hungary.”
“Maybe you should czech the fridge.”
“I’m russian to the kitchen.”
“Is there any turkey?”
“We have some, but it’s covered in greece”
“ew, there’s norway I’d eat that!”
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
My brother has been riding a bicycle since he was 4 years old
Damn he must be very far away by now
The librarian's office was on the A level. I asked for a book about submarines.
She told me to look below C level.
What do you call a three-eyed tiger?
A tiiiger.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
Why did the orange turn into orange juice?
It couldn’t handle the pressure.
Why do girl ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
What did the glass of wine say to the beer?
Nothing... They barley knew each other.
What has a neck but no head?
A bass.
“Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.” - Jenny McCarthy
"Patience is not a virtue for Aries. The phrase Speak now or forever hold your peace, was probably created by an impatient Aries."
— Dr. Atara
One trick peony.
What do you think the boy star told the girl star? I really glow for you.
What was Valentine’s favorite dessert for the French cat?
Chocolate mousse
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
My skeleton girlfriend dumped me the other day. She had the hottest spine I have ever seen.
I just want her back.
What did the little piglet want from the swine?
A piggyback ride home.
We could make such a beautiful library together.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What did Earth say to the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
Due to unusually successful harvests of chickpeas this year, the price of hummus is going to fall dramatically.
Buy the dip.
How much caramel can a canny canonball cram in a camel if a canny canonball can cram caramel in a camel?
What did the mother brain say to her oldest child when it was bothering her youngest child?
It didn't want to get brain-washed.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
Hey girl, I've got an extensive collection of solution manuals. Can I get your number?
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
Unfortunately, the jumper cables are getting a divorce. They just had no spark.
What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open toad sandals.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
The only good pun is a dad pun
but who am I kidding?
What is a cyclops' favorite winter activity?
Sking. That's like skiing, but only with one eye.
There was an Old Person of Buda,
Whose conduct grew ruder and ruder;
Till at last, with a hammer,
They silenced his clamour,
By smashing that Person of Buda.
“We’ll be best friends forever because you already know too much.”
— Unknown
Why did black chocolate cry over his wine glass?
Because it was his bitter half.
Helium walks into a bar.
He orders a drink and wonders why his parents decided to give him such an unusual name, as he can never find it on personalized souvenirs. Plus, baristas never, ever get it right.
Hey Pumpkin, I just wanted to say that I'm done with having Halloween every day.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
"Have a hoppy Easter."
There was a fire in a yodelling school.
Everyone was to exit in an orderly orderly orderly fashion.
What happened when the semi-colon broke grammar laws?
He was given two consecutive sentences.
Go to BabaMail
