I was reading a story about dragons the other day
It just seemed to DRAG ON and on.
Did you hear that the Lemon and the Orange divorced?
The Lemon was very bitter.
A wolfswagon rabbit is by far the best car you can gift a wolf.
What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Why does the dolphin kingdom never go to war?
Because it would defeat the porpoise.
“I don’t get it. The trail looked so flat on the map.”
“If all the economists were laid end to end, they’d never reach a conclusion." ~George Bernard Shaw
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
What kind of candy is never on time? ChocoLATE
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go MOO!
You Eliza-bet I’m asking you out right away
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Piiig
The collective noun for kangaroos is a "troop". What is the collective noun for cars?
A Lot
Why do you think is the moon bald? Because it has no ‘air.
I am a dog.
And you are a flower.
I lift my leg up.
And give you a shower!
My 4 yr Old son said "Daddy, why do people make up things that their children have said for social media?
Isn't it just inherently dishonest and indicative of inability to construct a compelling narrative themselves? "
Do you breathe oxygen? We have so much in common.
How do rabbits travel? By hareplane.
Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
Why do army snipers close one eye while shooting?
Because if they closed both eyes they wouldn't be able to see.
What did the little goats say when they were caught playing a prank on the sheep?
Sorry, we were just kidding.
"Love is being stupid together." - Paul Valery
Man: "Hey, baby, if you come home with me, I can show you a really good time."
Woman: "You know what your problem is? Your mouth is writing checks that your body can't cash."
I don’t know if I got hit by freezing rain but it sure hurt like hail.
What do you call an alligator who kills bugs all day long?
A fumigator.
How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow worm? it has a blue light.
I feel like I'm in Scandinavia, because when I'm with you it's like the sun never sets.
“Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school.”
Albert Einstein
I'm a gymnast, so if you're down for some mattress yoga, count me in!
Is your name Succinylcholine? Because you’re paralyzing.
If I had a nickel for every COVID-19 joke I know, I could buy a whole lot of toilet paper.
What do Chinese bears wear over their faces when they’re robbing banks?
Pandanas!
I have these chicken n_ggets. Now all I need is U!
Knock Knock
Who’s there Justin Justin who? Justin time to make the donuts!
If it ain’t brogue, don’t fix it.
What is a potato’s life philosophy? I think, therefore I yam.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
What did one frog say.to the other?
Time's sure fun when you're having flies.
Are you a bank loan? Well, you’ve certainly got my interest.
What did the geologist say when his doctor asked him if he was ready for his colonic? No FRACKING way!
An immature pineapple is often worse than a mature currant.
Today I learned that Both Charles Darwin and Albert Einstein married their first cousins.
For both, it’s all relative.
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?
Camembert.
The Queen of the Nile was said to always show a bit of leg...
but Nefertiti.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
Why didn't the mummy finish his Halloween candy?
Because he was stuffed!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Kenya
Kenya who?
Kenya guess who is it?
"Runner's logic: I'm tired. Let me go for a run."
Unknown
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
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