Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
What did the therapist say to the angry client when their cell phone battery died?
I suggest you find an outlet!
Where do flowers recharge? At a power plant!
What’s a snake’s strongest subject in school?
Hiss-tory.
I was sick, and my whole body turned colorful. The doctor took a look and said that I had a color infection, which is caused by the Crayola virus.s
Me without you is like a sneaker without laces.
Are you the dog? Because your shit’s all over the lawn.
How Do Ducks Talk?
They don't, you quack.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
What's the best kind of pan to make sushi in?
Japan.
Why settle for metaphors? How about I turn that simile into a smile?
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
The fungi turned down seconds at dinner because he never had mushroom.
Donut even think about taking another donut!
Hey, are you a bear cub? Because you’re un-bear-ably adorable.
The bread baker won the girl over because he kept giving her a flour. How sweet!
Wondering what crows wear during Halloween, well, they wear caw-stumes.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Police.
Police who?
Police hurry up, it’s chilly outside!
What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
What do you call a condiment with a hit single? a must"heard"
Why is Christmas the cheesiest holiday? Baby cheeses. (Baby Jesus)
I only lost 2 pounds while taking laxatives for a colonoscopy.
I guess I'm not as full of crap as I thought.
The feeling you get when you think you have heard these cow puns before is known as deja-mooo.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
I was thinking of making an investment on a new farming venture that feeds marijuana to cows instead of grass.
The steaks will be too high for sure.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because like all men, they won't stop to ask directions.
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
"99 Dogs"
I saw two people heading off for a walk
with 99 dogs in a pack.
So, I asked them why they had so many dogs,
and they thought for a while and said back,
“We’ve tried having different numbers of dogs:
from a lot to hardly any.
The lesson we’ve learned is 98’s not enough
but 100 dogs is too many.”
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
What’s every ice cream parlor owner’s side hustle?
Sundae school teacher.
"It's not because I don't like you, it's because I hate you."
Will you come to my place? You can sure lower my heating bill with your hotness.
Jack is a lovable man with a colorful personality. He is a great hue-man.
Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you.
Who's the nicest guy at the hospital?
The ultrasound guy
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym? Hard core.
If the wooden face mask was popularized by Jacques Plante, was the wooden
cup made popular by Jock Plank?
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
I saw a twinkle in her eye I have not seen since the neighbor children discovered our new electric fence.
David Hyde Pierce
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
I just had to tell you. Your beauty made me truly appreciate being able to see.
"You can close your eyes and imagine yourself in a relaxing place. Like on your sofa, not doing yoga."
- Grant Tucke
Go to BabaMail
