Did you hear about the shoe factory that exploded?
Many soles were lost.
What do you call it when cephalopods start becoming more strict about things?
Kraken down.
How do you catch a monkey?
Climb a tree and act like a banana.
Did you hear the was a fire at a used furniture store and two people died next door?
It was due the second hand smoke
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
You remind me of a thunderstorm: positively striking.
What do the Scottish cars wear as hats?
Flat-caps.
How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They just compliment it and then get mad when it won't screw.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
I have a heart-on for you.
“Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help."
- Alex Haley
What words do windmills live by? One good turn deserves another!
What do llamas say when you tell them something obvious?
“No spit, Sherlock.”
What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
What happens when you buy too much ice cream?
Breyer’s remorse.
Which month can’t make a decision?
MAY-be.
I’m soy into you.
"Just one hot chick."
The mountain got promoted because he was at the peak of his career!
I have a good nature joke but after listening to it, everyone just leaves.
Girl, we must be a bipartite graph, because I just thought of an efficient algorithm for finding an optimal matching for the two of us.
Why do toadstools grow so close to each other? They do not need mushroom to grow.
There are two skeleton teachers at school. One is humerus, but the other is very sternum.
Q. What do you get if you cross a gorilla with a grizzly bear?
A. Fired from the zoo.
You make the Queen of Sheba look like a hobo.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
What do you call Dragon with no silver?
A dron.
---
You think dinosaurs are scary?
Imagine dragons!
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
Why can't you tell a joke while ice fishing? Because it'll crack you up!.
It doesn't matter if my wife tells me Im not mature
Im not going to let her enter my tree house without the right password.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?
An offer you can't understand.
What did the bowl of soup write on their Valentine?
I love you pho real.
County to Pay $250,000 to Advertise Lack of Funds
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
Who is the worm's Prime Minister? Maggot Thatcher.
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
Let's commit the perfect crime, I'll steal your heart and you'll steal mine.
Car Salesman: And if you don't like this color, we have another one in "Boulder Gray"
Me: Gray isn't very bold to begin with, how did you make it bolder?
“The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my American Express bill.” Peter Ustinov.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
I cannot believe no ones come up with a cure for anorexia yet.
I thought it would be a piece of cake!
How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow worm? it has a blue light.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
What do you call an English rock band playing in the mist? Foghat.
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
Which is the longest word in the dictionary? "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
I stretched out my hamstrings, but every time I see you, I feel a tug at my heartstrings
Go to BabaMail
